jon's blog

i could go on for 40 days and 40 nights about my blog title and bore you to bits and pieces with 10,000 different ideas i actually had for the name of this blog but because of the 500 characters limit that is imposed upon this mechanism which, by the way, is supposed to promote free speech, i shall shorten it to just two words basically describing what the hell this is all about and who this hell belongs to.
Saturday, April 26, 2008

nocturnal food

Singapore is quite possibly the most boring place on Earth. it makes me wonder why tourists bother coming here in the first place. but hey, we're generating plenty of revenue and sex with foreign men, so i'll keep my mouth shut. or maybe open, in relation to the latter point. point is, our country has very little news that really makes or breaks the world. our geographical location makes us pretty well-protected against natural disasters of most sorts, so no New Orleans-like situations around here. our economy is pretty buoyant these days unlike the economic recession of 1997. our arts scene is possibly as controversial and inspirational as the 9 o'clock news. it's always the profitable and popular stuff like musicals, musicals and oh, did i mention musicals?

our crime rates are quite meh and humorous actually, sometimes even bordering on pure bastardry. murders normally involve rudimentary weapons best described as 'i reached for the first weapon i saw, which was a spatula' rather than drive-by shootings. our local thugs rob old people (there's the bastardry bit). local fights are mostly bar room brawls and street gang clashes, a lot of it revolving around a night out to the club and opening ten bottles of Chivas Regals at one go. Chivas seems to be the #1 choice of the street gangs that get into a lot of fights. indeed, this is the Chivas Life.

given the boring context here in Singapore, it's quite possible that our locals have therefore found an obsession to build up their lives with. food, to be precise. we have A LOT of food in Singapore. there are four primary races in Singapore to begin with (in no order of merit or preference for those racially-sensitive folks) - Malays, Indians, Chinese and the last very fondly labelled as 'Others'. given the Singaporean culture to profit on obsessions, there have been many methods that have helped build the culinary industry. we have reality programmes designed to spot the best of the best of specific foods. we have guidebooks collaborated that offer the top 10 of (insert random local cuisine). i even know of a specific couple in my church that keeps one of these guidebooks in their car (a Beemer). they make it a point to visit a food outlet mentioned in the guidebook and cross it out. when i last talked to them, they were already 75% through the very much dog-earred book that sat beside the equally dog-earred street directory.

none the less, it's with much thanks to the buoyant economy in the recent years that we've been seeing a lot of foreign fine dining popping up all over the place. French, Middle Eastern, Vietnamese, Burmese, Thai, Korean, Japanese, etc. you name the country, it's with a quick google that you can find it on our sunny shores. it's also with thanks to our Singaporean obsession with food and our knack for business, consumer versions of these fine dining places have been popping up for those who can't afford it and those who are ignorant of the sequence of culinary utensils on the dining table. we even have niche restaurants like Curry Udon places and Tapas bars. and yet, people are still complaining about the lack of proper food in this good country. a comment moan i often here from friends and colleagues goes something like 'But there's nothing here to eat!!' behind them would be an entire row of food court outlets offering local delights and western meals.

like i always tell people, 'Food is a blessing. Variety is therefore, Godsent and perhaps prudent Economics.' i know it doesn't make much sense. but then again, neither does the fact that we are whining about the lack of food in a country that has an abundance of it.


working in a Singaporean hospital, you'll begin to realize that this abundance of food is not an applied reality. my colleagues are constantly whining about this lack of food in the hospital during the night shifts. well, the only source that's open at night unfortunately is the convenience store. true, it's air-conditioned and it offered hot foods and drinks. but you know what convenient stores are like., always stocking what's mainly convenient for THEMSELVES. it's the usual spiel of chocolate bars, potato chips, fruit juices, biscuits, instant noodles and factory foods. cheap, empty calories. whenever i head down to the convenience store, i end up buying the Kellogg's funpaks and a tetrapacket of milk. simply because there's variety in them. it's this lack of variety that we're complaining about, not the quality of food actually.

this is why we're supremely grateful for the fact that food delivery services are in existence in Singapore. and please don't mistake it for those that you see on American drama serials where the lead says 'What're we having for dinner tonight?' and the supporting character takes out a Chinese menu and replies 'Let's order Wong's! I'm craving for dumplings!' no, the reality is far from your average American drama series.

our typical drama scenes during our night shifts go something like that:

Me: What're we eating tonight eh?
Pangkeng: Anything lor
Me: (asks another colleague) What're we eating tonight eh?
Another colleague: Anything lor
Me: (asks another colleague) What're we eating tonight eh?
Another colleague: Anything lor
Me: (asks another colleague) What're we eating tonight eh?
Another colleague: Anything lor
(asks another colleague) What're we eating tonight eh?
Another colleague: Anything lor
Me: (asks another colleague) What're we eating tonight eh?
Another colleague: Anything lor

i could go on, but you get the drift. it's because of this indecisiveness within my bunch of colleagues, that the onus of deciding on what to eat at night boils down to me and my cravings. unfortunately, the food delivery variety in Singapore is rather limited. despite having worked for six months on permanent night shifts, i have only managed to discover three places that make deliveries - McDonald's, an Indian-Muslim restaurant named Spize (i have a lot of Muslim colleagues), and a ching-chong Chinese restaurant just across the road from the hospital. no pizza deliveries as our local pizza parlours only deliver till 11pm. by the time we settle down from passing the nursing reports and clearing up the mess that the previous shift has left behind, it's already 11.30pm. i could order earlier, but once again that indecisiveness simply just prolongs the whole process of ordering.

not making things any easier is that my ward has this under-running policy that if you're ordering food for the night, it's courtesy that you have to ask the rest of your colleagues in the department. all would be fine if any of my other colleagues bothered to take up the initiative of ordering food. but initiative just like food delivery at night, is very much lacking in my ward. therefore, i have become the only unofficial person who orders at night. and believe you me, taking orders is not an easy process. it's an extremely time-consuming process that involves plenty of persuasion, money and walking around. in fact, i've managed to come up with a systematic approach to ordering food. it comes in five steps actually whereby i take on five different roles at each point in the various steps.

Step 1: The Propagandist
this usually occurs at 10.30pm when everyone is busy but i'm hungry. i decide on what i want to eat and start calling up the various sections of the ward to inform them that i'm ordering. i could walk down the ward corridor, but walking two hundred metres is not fun. walking back two hundred metres from the end of the ward corridor back to my section is even more 'not fun'. what is the most 'not fun' bit is having to entertain certain colleagues who will break into their usual spiel about the lack of variety. 'What? Spize again! Very boring!' having to maintain apt PR with the other colleagues, i refrain from reaching for the nearest item that can cause bodily harm.

Step 2: The Advisor
the ward routine is that we're usually busy between 10:30 to 11:00pm. therefore it's by 11:00pm that i start taking orders from people. this is the tedious bit where i have no choice but to do the two hundred metre routine of walking and socializing with the colleagues. it'd have been all fine and dandy if the colleagues could make up their minds on what they want to eat based on the delivery menus. but they can even decide when i pose them the question of 'What're we eating tonight eh?' so i don't expect much out of them really. thus to help make up their minds i probe them for their cravings. Chicken or beef? Rice or noodles? Cheap or expensive? Any drinks? Condiments? Upsize? Would you like to change your drink to something else? it's costs another fifty cents if you upsize! Why don't you order so that we can hit the quota for the delivery service's reduced delivery charge? i normally complete this part of the process at 11:30pm when everyone else has completed their work and i haven't even touched a single bit of it. and does anyone help me to complete mine? other than Pangkeng, NO. ungrateful wretches.

Step 3: The Orderer
this is when i make the phone call to the restaurant in question. i read out my orders. they read back my orders. i can't really fathom why they would read back my orders other than to clarify that i've ordered one big mac meal upsized, one double cheeseburger a la carte, one McSpicy meal upsized, two Chicken foldovers, two happy meals both with fries and nuggets and the toys for girls, two McFlurrys, and the drinks will be three cokes, one sprite, two iced milos, one iced latte, one coffee and one more large coke a la carte, and chilli sauce and curry sauce and barbeque sauce and a lot of mayonnaise. do i sound like i can remember all my orders in some random sequence? 'It's easy what!' the guy who takes my orders over the phone would be thinking while staring at his computer screen with the orders in possibly Arial font.

Step 4: The Debt Collector
this is the part that i hate the most. because most people are simply not initiated to pay up. it's a bit like being a politician, having to tease and prod the most out of the colleagues for the delivery charge. on good days, people actually pass me the money automatically. on even better days, they tell me to keep the change. on really screwed up days, nobody pays up and i am forty-dollars poorer. not that i'm a stingy sort of fellow, but this has happened at least six or seven times out of the thirty times i've ordered takeaways. i truly deserve a tip. falling short of hanging a severed horse head at each of the ward's section, i can only ask nicely for payment. oh my god, it's already 11:30pm. and i haven't started on a single bit of work yet!

Step 5: The Distributor
sometimes when i can't be bothered with collecting money yet, i'll just wait for the delivery guy to arrive with the food before i start collecting back cash. i'll have to separate the various orders into bags for the various sections of my department. if the delivery guy had quite the bumpy ride, i would have to wipe up the sauce. i have to ensure that they have straws. they have condiments and et cetera. and thus begins the two hundred metre walk down the corridor with food once again and back. i would have been ravenous by then and possibly poorer by a few dollars due to those colleagues who conveniently forget to pay.

it's usually by 1:00am that i'm able to settle down and have my food. by then, i would have been irritable and in dire need of nutrition. so the next time someone offers to take orders for food, do tip them. do something nice for them. give them a hug. give them a word of grateful thanks. because lurking beneath that cheerful exterior, there's someone waiting to reach out for the nearest object of bodily harm.

and it might not be a spatula.

posted at 11:25 am by the nurse | Permalink |


AHAHAHHA JON U ARE SO FUNNY !!!! hahahahahha which reminds me, my prcp's here!
By Blogger queerbarbie, at 2:46 pm  

yeah....i kinda have the same situation everytime i'm on my night shift. there's this 1 chinese restaurant w/ delivery service near the hospital WHO WON'T deliver above 9.00 PM! i usually end up eatingout instant noodles and bakeries (and still feel hungry!)
By Blogger luke!, at 3:45 pm  

mac is always the choice..
i treated my nurses at 46 to mac before i left SGH.

think at AH we called this or something

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:21 pm  

wow, u have that much patience??

i might've caused a massacre by the time i reached the 'debt collector'.
By Blogger chakry, at 11:34 pm  

That's funny! The never-ending conversation you mentioned truly transcends all vocations, apparently. Or social situations. ;)

Next time get someone else to call for deliveries? It seems like an ordeal every time you take an order. :P

By the way, I didn't know Spize did delivery.. o.o I go to Spize (the one at River Valley) every Tuesday evening for server downtime Real-Life meetings. Not that I play anymore, I just enjoy the company. :)

You know, I once told my in-laws about food deliveries here. She couldn't BELIEVE that almost all the fast-food joints do deliveries but the Chinese restaurants don't. Guess it's a cultural thing. She also couldn't believe that our dapao food doesn't come in that little box with a little handle like you see in American films. Funny reactions.

Also, show me pictures of PK! :D
By Blogger prawninator, at 1:52 am  

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash, I was making about $900 extra a month...
check it out ..
By Blogger J, at 4:25 am  

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash, I was making about $900 extra a month...
check it out ..
By Blogger J, at 4:44 am  

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash, I was making about $900 extra a month...
check it out ..
By Blogger J, at 7:07 am  

jon, i think you're being very nice. if i were u, i would call up food for myself, yap, only myself. They're not appreciative twrd yor effort, so why bother?
By Blogger Rainprince, at 10:38 am  

i make and bring my own food so is spared this torture at work - you could try that and leave the others without food so they are forced to order for themselves..
By Anonymous rilek-one-korner, at 12:43 pm  

Shouldn't you just withhold the food until they pay you their department's food bill? Problem solved, fabulously.
By Blogger Ryan, at 1:29 pm  

Lol. I agree with you. Have the similar experience. What I do is ask the person who pick up the phone (instead of walking unless no answer). I will start asking the questions like I'll be ordering from wherever, anyone wants to add order. Call back if wanna order. By whatever time, no call means no order. Always works. Now that there's a nice uncle who comes with malay food, ordering seldom happen. Don't you see the uncle around with 2 large red colour plastic bags? Can have special orders too you know.
By Blogger Suzanne, at 2:24 pm  

At least you have ching chong chinese takeaway! I have to subsist on McDs all the time while thinking that I'll be supersized by the end of the year. Damn.

Usually I make the orders though. Sometimes I manage to sweettalk the orderlies to run out and purchase goodies.
By Blogger savante, at 9:43 pm  

i can so empathise with you. usually if it's for macs, i'll always have the price list with me when i take orders from colleagues. i maintain a "no money, no talk" policy.

then again, working the graveyard shift isn't fun. the nearest midnight place would have to be sunshine place and that's still a freaking distance.

you guys would have a pantry right? i mean, you could bring instant noodles if you want to. then you prob. wouldn't have to bother about your colleagues.

sometimes i would bring canned food and bread and/or rice, packed by myself in the day before i start work. cos there's a microwave in my pantry. microwave can be your best friend man.

get a fund can, have people throw a fixed amount of money inside weekly and then use that money to order. non-contributors would not be considered lo. =P
By Anonymous junior, at 11:14 am  

Ryan: the only problem comes when they really have no money... then you are stuck with an extra portion of food!

Other than, there used to be another few websites that cater to late night food...
By Blogger Marine Man, at 2:37 pm  

Jon no pantry for some quick fix?
By Blogger Merv, at 3:32 pm  

Hey! Just bloghopping. :]

Singapore is the most boring place on earth? No man, don't say that. I'm going there next week. I'd be spending my whole summer break in your country. And i don't want my vacation to be as boring as my life here in the Philippines. lol

Nice blog by the way.
By Blogger Nhil, at 1:09 pm  

Make your own packed dinner.

By Anonymous Terry, at 4:00 am  

oh noes

exactly one more year and i'd join the ranks of those going hungry in singaporean hospitals at night....

By Blogger kc, at 10:47 pm  

I'm going to be in Hong Kong at the end of the month. So after checking London weather, I checked Hong Kong weather. Then just out of interest, I checked Singapore.

LN thunderstorms, 15C
HK thunderstorms, 25C
SN thunderstorms, 30C

By Anonymous Terry, at 8:26 am  

YOU'RE SO FUNNY!! haha laughed like mad. am going to be working in TTSH as a nurse when i graduate in future and the food selection there sucks like shit too! i am very touchy about money issues so i dont tnk i'll be as self-sacrificial as you !! :D

- xx
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:42 pm  

queerbarbie: good luck with PRCP. helpful tip! be self-initiated and don't be afraid to ask questions when in doubt.

luke!: i am so familiar with convenience store foods that i seriously have developed a fear of them. quite scary to eat noodles and etc.

brachy: i absolutely love macs during shift. though i order breakfast these days, thanks to the McGriddles.

chakry: well you know what they say about patience being a virtue.

prawninators: or even races for that matter of fact. nobody really knows what they want. but i think we equally find it ludicrous that chinese food is dapao-ed in fancy packaging in the Western countries. oh well cross-cultural differences.

rain: i've got a social trick up my sleeve actually. everybody's inclined to eat supper/dinner. but nobody wants to have breakfast. so the easiest way out of this is to just order breakfast from Macs. easey-peasey.

ROK: the only food i can make is pasta. and i eat pasta all the time at home. too much carbs is never too good.

ryan: well, problem is that i'm too nice to let my colleagues suffer hunger pangs. and most of the time they do irresistable girley talk that i can't help but succumb to. hey wait... i'm gay. WTH?!

suzanne: the uncle with the malay food does come occasionally, but seldom to our ward. the radiographer auntie doesn't do her food rounds any more. she does a really wicked mee goreng i tell you.

savante: i would love to run out of the hospital to order food. but our supervisors are always warning us: 'if you meet with a car accident outside then how? we're responsible you know.' and therefore, with our tails wagging beneath our balls, we retreat back into the 7-11 for convenience food.

junior: our pantry only stocks milo, coffee, tea, sugar and boring ol' Jacob's biscuits. and even so, it's meant for the patients. they dedicate the entire ward to the patients so much so that we're only left with... well.... nothing!

marine man: yup indeed there used to be a few. too bad, they closed or don't offer such services anymore. tragic eh?

merv: we do have a tearoom. but it's haunted by an Indian Auntie who stares at you while you sleep. besides, there's a funny smell coming from the fridge. prolly people who left their food in there for eons and forgot all about it.

nhil: cool that you're coming to singapore. enjoy our... ehrm... humid weather!

terry: yeap. it's humid around here. plus the occasional 'thunderstorms'. i like sunshines WITH my rain. accompanied with a cigarette would be swell.

kc: i presume you're from nursing as well? good on ya. it's a profession that builds up karma.
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By Anonymous モバゲー, at 6:56 am  

By Anonymous 救援部, at 7:36 am  

今まで趣味とか仕事に夢中になってて気付いたら一人ぼっちで彼氏いなーい(_´Д`)恋愛からしばらく離れてたから…時々さびしくなっちゃったりするんだよね( p_q)同じくさびしーって人いる?けっこう甘えたりするところがあるから大人の人が好きだよ☆だから、年下はゴメンネ(。-人-。) メアドつけておくから気に入ってくれたらメールしてね!待ってまーす
By Anonymous 彼氏募集, at 7:27 am  

By Anonymous コンパ, at 7:13 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 7:47 am  

By Anonymous 素人, at 7:24 am  

By Anonymous グリー, at 8:05 am  

By Anonymous 家出, at 6:18 am  

仕事や趣味に夢中になってたらいつの間にか独りきりになってた…彼氏も長いこといなくて恋愛から離れてました( ´_ゝ`)そろそろ恋愛にも夢中になりたいけど男の子とどうせっしたらいいか教えて下さい(-^▽^-) 動物好きだから、年上で動物好きな人仲良くしてね(。・w・。 ) ペット連れて散歩なんていいよね!!まずはのんびりメールからお願いします
By Anonymous 恋愛のこと教えてねヽ(^◇^*)/, at 6:04 am  

By Anonymous モバゲー, at 6:37 am  

By Anonymous gree, at 6:48 am  

By Anonymous ¥倶楽部, at 6:57 am  

By Anonymous モバゲー, at 6:56 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 7:38 am  

By Anonymous 援助スポット, at 6:32 am  

初めましていずみって言います☆1年半以上恋してません…(/∇≦\)元彼と付き合ってた時にあんまり会えなくて恋愛してた感じがなかった(;‾ ‾)それから臆病になってたけど長いこと彼がいないからそろそろホンキで恋したいなーなんて思ってますo(^-^o)けっこう天然入ってるから大人で引っ張ってくれる人で年上の人と仲良くしたいです☆気になった人はメールしてね
By Anonymous 恋愛, at 7:27 am  

By Anonymous スタビ, at 6:53 am  

By Anonymous mコミュ, at 8:49 am  

By Anonymous モテる度チェッカー, at 7:40 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 10:35 pm  

By Anonymous オナニー, at 6:42 am  

つい最近独り暮らし始めましたヾ(〃^∇^)ノお家で料理作っても食べてくれる人がいない(´−`)彼氏いないからあたしと過ごしてくれる人いませんか?手料理ごちそうするよぉ!よかったらメールして下さい(o~ー~)年下の人はゴメンネ…(*_ _)人メール待ってます♪
By Anonymous 手料理, at 6:12 am  

By Anonymous mコミュ, at 5:51 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 6:19 am  

By Anonymous モバゲー, at 9:24 am  

男性が主役です! 女性会員様からの謝礼は貴方次第、ご近所出張ホストは女性向けフ一ゾクの決定版!エロい一時を求めて男性様との触れ合いを秘密厳守で探しておられます。エロマダム様達と過ごす癒しの一時を…エロい人妻様会員様を満足させてあげれるのはあなただけなのです
By Anonymous 出張ホスト, at 9:50 am  

毎日楽しい生活してても何かが足りないって思った時何が足りないか分かったの…O(≧▽≦)O それは恋愛だったんだ~って(苦笑)σ(^_^;)唯一、私にはなかったもの…彼氏がほし~い(>▽<;; フリーの人いませんか?私を恋人にして下さい♪♪仲良くなってどこかへ遊びに行きませんか?(≧▽≦;)明るい性格なので、一緒にいて楽しいと思います!!年下の人は苦手で仲良くなる自信がないので私より年上の人でお願いしますヽ(*´ー`)ゞ少しでも気になった人は今すぐにメール下さい♪
By Anonymous 恋愛, at 9:05 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 7:16 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 8:44 am  

By Anonymous SM度チェッカー, at 10:17 am  

By Anonymous アダルトSNS, at 10:06 am  

By Anonymous メル友, at 9:35 am  

彼氏いない歴2年半になろうとしてます、なかなか相性の合う人と出会えず、好意をよせてくれる人もいたけどダメだった。 一緒にいて楽しくて落ち着く人と、仲良くなって恋愛したい!!甘えさせてくれる人がいいから、年下の人は私には向いてません。よろしくね!
By Anonymous 恋愛, at 8:34 am  

By Anonymous モバゲー, at 7:22 am  

By Anonymous モバゲー, at 6:45 am  

By Anonymous 高松宮記念, at 6:01 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 5:33 am  

2010 競馬予想 各厩舎・調教師から届けられる最強の馬券情報を限定公開!本物の オッズ 表はコレだ
By Anonymous 競馬予想, at 4:01 am  

よく「彼氏いるでしょ~?」って言われるけど、イナイよσ(‾^‾)トモダチ集めてホームパーティーなんかしたりするのがマイブームでして♪♪好きな人ができてもハズかしくて告れない…(>_< )しゅりのココロをゲットしてぇ~☆コドモっぽい性格だから年上でお兄ちゃんみたいな人がタイプだよ(*^m^*)
By Anonymous 友達, at 5:44 am  

By Anonymous 出会い, at 2:19 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 6:25 am  

By Anonymous オナニー, at 6:37 am  

By Anonymous モバゲー, at 8:07 am  

By Anonymous セレブラブ, at 6:33 am  

変わってるって言われるけどわりといい人だよ(笑)!!お笑い好きな人だったら話盛り上がりそうだねO(≧▽≦)O 色んなことに興味深々でおっちょこちょいだからそばで支えてくれる人募集中σ(゜-^*)自分の年齢的に年下の男の子はアウトだからごめんね(*_ _)人
By Anonymous 友達, at 4:28 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 4:07 am  

By Anonymous スタービーチ, at 5:16 am  

By Anonymous 人生の値段チェッカー, at 7:15 am  

By Anonymous 桜花賞, at 9:17 am  

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About Me

Name: the nurse
Home: Singapore
About Me: i'm a nurse, i'm gay, i smoke, i play the piano, i patronize the theatre, i flip through glossy magazines for no apparent reason, i love sex, i am a left-handed libran, i watch art-house films mostly, i love house music, and did i say i love sex?
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