jon's blog

i could go on for 40 days and 40 nights about my blog title and bore you to bits and pieces with 10,000 different ideas i actually had for the name of this blog but because of the 500 characters limit that is imposed upon this mechanism which, by the way, is supposed to promote free speech, i shall shorten it to just two words basically describing what the hell this is all about and who this hell belongs to.
Friday, April 11, 2008

how i ended up buying expensive underwear in Thailand

money is indeed, a really sensitive topic within gay relationships. for the typical straight couple, tradition, norms and a superego have perhaps more or less defined that the guy should mostly pay for dinner, movie tickets, coffee and the hotel room. if the girl is prudent and really nice, she'll even bring along condoms, lube and her best friend (insert random heterosexual chortle here: hur hur hur!!). for the two men in a homosexual relationship though, financial matters are more of a grey and rainbow-coloured area. after all, tradition, culture and superegos are not exactly familiar with gay society and its social mechanics. should it be defined by age as in 'i'm older so i'll be picking up the tab'? should it take into consideration professions (doctors and janitors in a relationship)? or even better, sexual position preference (top picks up the tab because he's more manly)! which is why i believe that to avoid all the money-related conflicts ('i paid for all your stupid sparkling water during your fine dining meals, you bitch!'), it's perhaps better if gay people just go dutch on most things.

in my short few years of being gay so far, i have seen my fair share of couples breaking up over money matters. a typical example would be a couple having joint accounts and one partner in the relationship being a spendthrift, fancying indulgence and constant extravagance. it's a problem that isn't prejudiced with age though. even young couples that earn barely enough to club on the weekends are plagued by it. you know how relationships are - expensive and as stable as a chemical reaction. and you thought that the young couldn't possibly break up over financial matters.

of course, for all the breakfast-coloured sunshine and silver linings in this world, i have also known of really giving and generous couples who make sure that money doesn't become an issue in any conflicts that may arise in the course of love. i know i sound like a marriage counsellor here, but openness is one factor that really helps. other options involve going steady with a simple man or pre-nups. but speaking from a more practical perspective, avoiding extravagance and the impracticalities of life is seriously the most useful solution. for some reason or other, the average gay person simply loves extravagance and the empowerment of luxuries. is it a by-product of the Dorothy Dollar? or just simply the media and its constant barrage of the ideal gay man in a pair Gucci slippers and designer threads? and since we're on the topic of Gucci slippers, i'm actually dying to see the day when someone slips and fall while wearing a pair (this deserves another straight man chortle: hur hur hur!).

i once saw a young gay chap of about twenty. to put it simply and without prejudice, he's the skinny and effeminate friend that you prolly know of or have one of. i like them because they are generally hilarious and vivacious people with plenty of attitude. this guy in question though, was decked from head to toe in black and brands. huge logo-ed ones, to be precise. he was what one could call as your definitive fashionista. from the top, there was a black Lacoste polo tee covering his skinny frame. a pair of black Abercrombie jeans hugged what was left of his anorexic butt. he carried a black Louis Vuitton carrier that prolly weighed more than him. what seemed like an original pair of Gucci slippers (i couldn't jolly well reach down and feel for the fabric can i?) announced his entrance with a really noisy 'piak-piak' sound. the crowning glory was a pair of Gucci sunglasses that screamed 'I am Nicole Richie, here me roar' (meow!). admittedly, i have nothing against style and luxury. in fact, i shouldn't have a say in style as i can't tell the difference between a birkin and a bag. the only issue that i have here is that i find it rather sad to see someone covering himself and what's left of his dignity in branded and logo-ed goods. everything on him has a logo the size of Zimbabwe. from the trade mark LV motif, to the gold-embossed Gucci frames.

and oh, did i mention that i happened to see this guy in the blue-collared worker's main mode of public transportation - the train.
yes, class meets crass.

--

i've never been one to spend tonnes of money on the various impracticalities of life. not that i'm a prudent person when it comes to all things financial. after all, i am the guy who signed up for insurance with a three hundred dollar per month premium. not forgetting another three hundred for the household expenses and another two-fifty for my education. none the less, i know i'm treading on really sensitive ground here given that 'impracticalities' is a rather loosely-defined term. i need my cigarettes just as the same way you might need to get your daily dose of a protein shake (which i used to, but now don't). point is, i know what i ought and ought not to be spending on. take for example, i would jolly well love to stride into the nearest Lacoste boutique and say something chi chi like 'Can i have ten of this in ten different colours?' but obviously i don't because not only do i have to put my ass on the street market for ten month after the whole Lacoste hoo-hah, but also it's just purely impractical. and silly. and foolish. and retarded. but 'nuff said.

this trip to Thailand (yes, it's another Thailand post, sorry to bore you guys to death with my Sawadee stories) has really been one revolving a lot around money. to begin with, i have already burned a hole in my pockets just to get there and get bored to death with the family. i found the perfect solution for this though. whenever the parents went shopping, i quickly went my separate way and found myself a nice coffee join to start reading, smoking and people-watching. the brother of course, had no choice but to tag along with the parents because my mother believes that he will get kidnapped by tuk tuk drivers or Southern infidels. plus he didn't have a lot of money to begin with. i contributed a hundred bucks to the brother's expenditure in Thailand. and a few one cent coins just in case he needed the loo (you have to pay for entrance into the toilets in Mah Boon Krong).

everyone of course bought plenty of things. everyone that is, except the father whom i can't recall bought much. prolly still saving for that HDTV that he so wants. i went on a book-spending spree, buying more than ten novels to keep me pre-occupied in Thailand and public transport in Singapore for at least two months. i bought cheap tees, pants, shorts and stocked up on a barrage of cheap beauty products. i even had money left to buy souvenirs for colleagues. i actually went there with a list of things i had in mind to buy. so i was pretty much left with an excessive amount of money which i spent on really impractical things like Wireless Fidelity in the hotel room. in case you didn't know, Wireless Fidelity is more commonly known as WIFI, not to be mistaken for something along the lines of fidelity and promiscuity which in this case might be a male masseur in my hotel room. but as i said, WIFI in the hotel room is silly. and foolish. and retarded. and impractical given that i'm in Thailand, the land of a thousand smiles and many more internet cafes. but i don't do silly things without a reason.

the brother, being a young teenager and a real narcissist bought several cheap tees, a pair of sunglasses and one item of much decadence. the item in question here, being an Adidas sweater. it was white and had stitched-on red stripes at the side in the trademark triple stripes of Adidas. i would have been fine if it had been a simple Adidas jacket. but no, on the back of the jacket was the huge word 'JAPAN'. and thus, i spent a half of the trip in Bangkok watching the Chinese brother wandering around in Bangkok with the ching-chong face made up of won-tons and Chinese takeaways. i couldn't help but laugh internally when i see authentic Japanese tourists in their street-styled clothes walking past him. unsurprisingly, none of them wore apparel which stated their nationality. this also prolly explains why my mom is paranoid about the tuk tuk drivers and Southern Infidels kidnapping the brother.

my mother was more prudent with her purchases though. she bought accessories. she bought clothes. she even bought a Thai silk nightie that looks really nice. alas, she bought a fake Longchamp bag as well. being no style guru, i can't tell you the exact name of the bag in question. but it's the trademark one that comes in a variety of colours and the brown flap over the top. there's a logo emblazoned into the brown flap which my mind captures as 'the guy on th ehorse in mid-jump'. i was in the hotel room when my mother returned from shopping with the proud tote in hand. but the moment i got to touch the leather flap, i had problems convincing myself that it was a genuine item. plus, 'the guy on the horse in mid-jump' was slightly faded when i recalled seeing the original product. in fact, the guy looked better if he were on something more ancient like a tapestry or a brochure for medieval holidays in Europe.

but enough with what my family are buying in Thailand. the norm of the our short holidays in Thailand would go something like that: the first half of the day would be spent out on the streets of Thailand's coffee joins and shopping centres. the other half though, would be mainly in the hotel rooms. you see, just when i thought i had the legendary 'iron stomach' that could ingest and digest any food from all over the world, i developed a bout of indigestion on the second day of the trip. i didn't seek any medical attention as there are three nurses in my family, me included. the culprit here i suspect, would be the Chang Mai rice that i consumed in the latter-mentioned country.

now, Chang Mai rice is different from your typical Thai rice that we Singaporeans mainly consume. it actually comes in clumps (which sounds rather lewd - 'I come in clumps!'), it's sticky and it's hard (which sounds equally lewd). not to be mistaken for glutinous rice, Chang Mai rice is the type that suitable for extended storage due to its lack of moisture and 'clumpiness'. in fact, it's perfect for food fights over the dinner table. if you run out of Chang beer bottles to throw in Chang Mai, grab some local rice and hurl it over to the nearest drunken tourist for a grievous injury to the eye.

out of the seven days on the trip, six of them were tainted with fevers and the constant purging of solely liquid. everything else was just clumping along in my stomach and intestines and remaining undigested. use your imagination when i say that 'whatever went in, came out looking like it never went in'. i permanently felt like puking half the time. all i could do when i watched my parents and the brother pigging out on steamboat and pizzas was exude a greenish tinge on my face. it was with this that i decided to spend the second half of most of the days in Thailand under the cosy comforters in my hotel room. i watched plenty of Nat Geo, Discovery Channel and MTV, suffice to say. i learned a lot about Global Warming. i was humoured by Mythbusters. and i saw how Janet Jackson danced with four (or was it five?) glowing balls in 'Feedback'. by the fifth day however, i was bored stiff. mainly because cable TV is all about reruns. plus i had already completed three of the books i purchased in Thailand.

the cool part though was that i brought along my Fujitsu laptop with me to Thailand. the not-so-cool bit was that i had no internet connection. i had porn on my laptop though. and as many guys would attest too, porn is only fun till the point you come. you can have 9 hours worth of porn in your storage space, but if you come within 9 minutes, it's pretty much is useless, isn't it? not that i come in 9 minutes, mind you. or in clumps for that matter. it was with this ultimate boredom that i decided to purchase WIFI in my hotel room, a three day pass to the world wide web. i spent the last two days in my hotel room mainly playing World of Warcraft from the afternoon till the night. this is what i mean by 'impracticalities'.

despite spending on exorbitant internet access, i still had quite a large amount of money to contend with. close to three thousand baht, if i recall. falling short of a massage, i couldn't really think of anything else i wanted to spend on. besides, if anyone were to massage me at that point of indigestion, i would most definitely have hurled. and vomit-stained towels are really not that widely accepted at most massage parlours in this world. even the shady ones that offer extra 'services'. so the idea of something that i could spend on came to me at what i defined as 'The Gayest Moment' of this family-oriented trip to Thailand. as i might have already declared proudly, i didn't have any sex in Thailand.

what transpired was a random trip with the family to the huge shopping complex formerly known as the World Trade Centre in Bangkok. it was one of those places that were more attunede to the foreigners that go there for holidays. there were plenty of boutiques and various other chi chi places selling luxury goods. one of these upmarket places was of course, the Zen Department stall. 'The Gayest Moment' of course happened when i passed by the men's underwear section, no less. like your typical men's underwear section, there were really artistic mannequins of Herculean torsos clad in underwear. and you know what they say about art imitating/irritating life. as if one cue, there were several equally Herculean men wandering around the rows and rows of undergarments. some were obviously gay. some were obviously couples. for some curious reason, all of them were Asian. all of them were staring at the new-comer with that gay stare, as if daring me to purchase some expensive underwear.

from a gay person's point of view, it was one of the most fascinating underwear departments i've actually seen in my entire life. not like the typical ones in Singapore that stock funny-looking under that require instruction sheets and some creative thinking in order to put it on. not like the average ones in Singapore that have plenty of grey, whites and blacks. not like the horrid ones in Singapore that have really gaudy designs of yachts and stars (i'm not joking about this). i dunno what made me decided to purchase expensive underwear in the end actually. maybe it was the fact that there was a sale going on. maybe it was the pressurizing atmosphere of Herculean testosterone and pheromones wafting about. or maybe it was that i had money to clear before my departure from Thailand.

it was with some decision however, that i decided on two pairs of Aussiebums. i couldn't help but think about what the sales assistants were thinking when i made my purchase. prolly something along the lines of 'i could purchase more than fifty meals in Thailand with that amount he spends covering his manhood'. there was even a VAT refund for the underwear i bought. but that was too much hassle. i couldn't help but feel guilty over my purchase. a sort of guilty pleasure though. somehow or other, i always imagine most expensive items looking like money. like take for example, a birkin bag would prolly look like many stacks of hundred dollar notes shaped like a birkin bag. in the same line of thought, my Aussiebum covering my genitals would be nothing more than a few wads of cash sewn together to provide coverage.

it's not a pleasant sight, i must say. well at least not something that anyone could come in clumps to.

posted at 11:59 am by the nurse | Permalink |

21 Comments:

I have once suggested to my ex tat we should pool money for outings/food cos there are always awkward moments when it comes to settling the bill and save the treat for special occasions. to my suprised he said no with no reason given. maybe i am a bigger eater than he is? haha...money is indeed a very tricky matter in a rship.
By Blogger noosief, at 1:07 pm  

My husband and my relationship is more like, "If you get this meal, I'll get you at home, wink wink." It suits us fine, only that whenever I visit him, I don't exactly have a job as I'm away from Singapore.

The reward is still something to look forward to, though, wink wink.

I guess who picks up the tabs are more of a mutual agreement between the consenting adults of a relationship (be there two... or three for that matter. I should tell you about that one day). It can be awkward at the beginning stages of a relationship, but I feel neither party should be too passive to speak up about their preferences. But that's the ideal, of course. How many of us are THAT realistic? :P

And go go World of Warcraft in Thailand. I'm surprised you could actually have smooth playing (or not? You didn't mention) while you were over there. If I were you, I would've saved the money and played 500 rounds of Mario Kart on the DS, but that's just me. :P

Speaking of the DS... Mr. LWY is back in Singapore. I'll send you both a text in regards to meeting up. :)

(Also, let me know your name in KoL so I can send you stuff. I have a LOT of stuff. And so does my husband.)
By Blogger prawninator, at 5:50 pm  

Nice to know that you're ok. Thought you were abducted by white slavers. I am with you when it comes to clothes, being an old sauna queen, fancy clothes never got me laid anyway.

can
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:51 pm  

Damn, teasing me with the idea of you in briefs!

Dear Jon, let us be the judge of that. Show us your Aussiebums ( preferably with you in it ) and we'll decide :)
By Blogger savante, at 9:05 pm  

Well...let's be honest by the time they are down to your underpants it is a bit difficult for them to back out!

Good luck,
Terry
London
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:44 am  

hey i did the same thing too, bought an underwear (in singapore) for the price of 20 plates of chicken rice. kinda regretted after that, but then, shopping is always random right? :)
lester
By Blogger Eirin AI, at 2:41 pm  

Errr, stop smoking and you will have more money and better health.
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:30 pm  

sigh its hard to approach the monetary issue.
By Blogger queerbarbie, at 2:53 am  

Jon in his auusiebum WITH dollar bills randonly sticking out of it...now that's a sight to behold :P
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:11 pm  

Give us a pic of you in them someday? :)

Brachy
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:44 pm  

Your entries are freaking long and without pics.. I'm going to BKK too woot!
By Blogger Sham Radio, at 5:48 pm  

No, I'm sorry. I don't care about underwear brands....er...do you think I am turning straight?

Terry
London
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:00 am  

sham radio got it right..

i like jon's posts in those early days...short blog of a cute, young twink with pictures, including cute dialogues with pk, rb, ex-bf..

Or perhaps Jon can split the blog into several sections rather than have it in one whole chunk and keep the bloggers from waiting for days..

miss the fridae posts too.

jonfanclub
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:11 pm  

friendships or relationships can end up in flames over monetary matters, it'll arise from the ashes and burn more times than the phoenix can resurrect.

a couple i knew. 1 bought house, the other bought furniture. it was messy when they broke up, had to pull friends to take sides - and i hated that.

in the end, the one with furniture sold it to the ex after much persuasion. and even the bargaining right down to the depreciation of what, sandalwood?

if you ask me, it's not just money. ordinary giving and taking (on who gives more than who takes, etc..) can lead to insane results.

as for bkk, i've enough facial products to last me through after any apocalypse or doomsday. look good also like that, pp rather take someone else than me.

something's wrong somewhere.
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:21 pm  

oh, "vogue" brand of fags are my fave when i travel overseas.

that's how i spend days in bkk - smoking.
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:30 pm  

Post the pics of your Aussiebums! I'm sure you've got those with really interesting designs. Lol.
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:57 pm  

I want to see what you look like in your new Aussiebum undies. I'm sure you look hot ;-)
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:15 pm  

everyone is asking the pic of you in the aussiebum LOL.....[people's power??]

Anyway, undies are always my biggest problem in shopping. sometime i just got "berserk" if i see cool undies ha ha ha.....
most of my expenses goes to this section, i think the shopkeeper knows me real well since i often visit the undies section ha ha ha....
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:47 am  

hmmm speaking about long post... i kinda like it when u continue ranting on and on.... haha dunnoe y but its kinda theurapeutic to read yr post.... though i agree that pictures will liven up this space where the mass gathers... haha im not asking for those pictures of u in yr undies... just any random pictures to go along with yr post will do... ^^
By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:01 am  

lol, loved this post!

hey, chanced into your blog while hopping around. ^^
By Blogger chakry, at 7:48 pm  

sf: money set aside for special occasions eh? makes sense, but there's no point if one party is always doing the pooling only. like they say, 'two hands to clap, one to slap'.

prawn: heh. first and foremost, my rogue in WoW has l33t skillz. but seriously Wow aside, i agree with your point about how both parties should never be too passive to speak up if they feel money is an issue. because it's a bit like a parasite, it just grows and grows and one then it just explodes on you. that's the scary bit. none the less, you must be a bit sore from all the wink winks. as in your eyes are sore from all the winking lah. don't think too far okay.

can: from an ex-sauna goer, i can fully attest to that about clothes. even one's own face. like i told someone yesterday actually, 'it's not like you are having sex with your face, so handsome or not doesn't really matter also right?'

savante: i think the models posing for Aussiebum are doing an excellent job already. with me in my undies, it would be like pouring water on fire.

terry: my point precisely.

lester: shopping is definitely an indulgent pastime. no point holding back since you're already spending right?

queerbarbie: totally. especially for us pragmatic singaporeans.

brachy: someday. someday.

sham radio: got substence mah! good luck in BKK man. you have a good one there.

terry: not really. just being down-to-earth.

jonfanclub: i'm just owing this to the growing process i'm going through. those days maybe i didn't have much to write about. so i kept my posts short and witty. now, i'm perhaps ranting on like an old man. i'll keep that in mind when i write the next time. and i haven't been writing for Fridae quite some time already. apologies since you miss them.

rob: there's an upcoming film called 'The Hottie and the Nottie'. i'm the Nottie.

wlauw: getting acquainted with the underwear department staff. that's new.

nard: thanks. that was very encouraging and helpful at the same time. i'll keep in mind more pictures in the posts to come.

chakry: thanks! keep reading then. and good luck with your nursing endeavours.
By Blogger the nurse, at 9:03 am  

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Name: the nurse
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About Me: i'm a nurse, i'm gay, i smoke, i play the piano, i patronize the theatre, i flip through glossy magazines for no apparent reason, i love sex, i am a left-handed libran, i watch art-house films mostly, i love house music, and did i say i love sex?
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