jon's blog

Saturday, February 09, 2008

life is a funny thing

'life is a funny thing' - i've come to realize that that's a line i use most often when i've got nothing conversationally better to add. come to think of it, it's more like a conversational starter, filler and ender. you know those great one-to-one moments when no caption summarizes it better than words like 'BIG OMINOUS PAUSE' or 'GAPING SILENCE' or even 'HOW DO I FAST FORWARD TO THE PORTION WHERE WE HAVE HOT SEX?' of course, some great alternatives are fine wine and smooth-talking. however, 'fine' wine hardly relates to 'fine' pricing and i kill conversations so fast that i've nicknamed myself the 'smother'-talker. so what's a financially-challenged and conversationally-inept person to do?

it's times like these when i pull out my full and rock-hard weapon called, nope... not my cock. you can't go whipping your privates around like a weapon. women and men alike will be screaming and you're not even at the Folsom Street Parade. what i'm referring to is my collection of life stories. what i would like to call my 'Life is a Funny Thing' (LiFT) collection. i mean, i do share a big part of my 'LiFT' collection on this blog with no holds barred and plenty of crude language and context thrown in for good measure. but of course, to maintain an aura of mystery and market value, i still have to hold back that occasional few. some are certainly bizarre life stories. some are just downright embarrassing that i would rather share with a select few (which those select few will pass down to another select few - gossipers! whoremongers!). some are just better told with the actions involved ('and so we topped each other in this really tantric position that resulted in a penile fracture...').

all that said, i'm glad my life so far has been enriched with a lot of weird people and events that make this blog palatable and interesting enough to maintain an average readership of 216 daily (or at least that's what the blog counter says). and it's all thanks to you, the readers that make the numbers. so give yourself a pat on the back for that. you know what's the uber-weird thing though? nobody in this good Earth, and i swear nobody except TWO very brave and courageous souls have approached me on the streets, stating my blog as a point of recognition. maybe it's the fact that we're in Singapore and we're Asian and we're conservative and all that. or maybe it's the crude facts that i post online that make people want to just maintain that fifty metre radius around me.

but really, i won't and i don't and anyways i can't really bite well now given the Bell's Palsy. and if you think i look very scary, it's just part of the attitude that comes along with a goatee. i go to the gym for aesthetic purposes. the pectorals are not there for Fight Club. and really i'm a nice guy through and through. so here's the deal i'm trying to strike with any of you readers who see me on the streets. if you see me, just pop by and say hi. and you could chat up with me, bum a cigarette from me, and i would be more than willing to share with you a LiFT story if you have the time and the inclination to listen. of course, you might be wondering why all of a sudden i'm trying to make contact with the world outside this blog.

it all came into perspective when the two brave souls approached me in public. nearly a few hours after i blogged about my Bell's Palsy, i found myself at the hospital's staff gym trying to ensure that the one-sided paralysis was isolated at the face. so there i was, doing bicep curls while staring at the mirror with lop-sided grunting faces. all of a sudden, one kindly-looking gentleman approached me and asked amidst the clanging of the Smith Machine and the incessant 'clump clump clump' of fat office women on the treadmills. 'HOW'S YOUR BELL'S PALSY AH?' he asked, in a voice that was perhaps a tad too loud. i surveyed the scene to realize that there were only a few regular gymmers around, most of them amongst the administrative staff. okay, so there wasn't any equipped enough with medical knowledge to know what Bell's Palsy was.

i can't remember what i told the nice stranger. and i've never got your name. but i appreciate the fact that you took the guts to come up to someone that you've read online about and ask about a medical condition. so thank you for making the effort, i appreciate it. well, as for the other stranger, let's just say that i was at a local coffee joint having cigarettes when i was approached by a guy that was quite pleasant on the eyes. he requested that i not write about him. and so i shall respect that. he admitted that it took a lot of 'courage and silliness' approach me, the random stranger. suffice to say, we made great conversation over cigarettes and went our ways.

two people have tried it. so why not you? after all, there's good conversation to be had and free cigarettes. and oh yes, that upLiFTing tantric sex story involving a penile fracture awaiting to be told.

posted at 12:08 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

17 Comments:

Jim A Says
Thanks for the invitation Jon.
So next time I am in Singapore I will keep an eye open for a nice Asian man and try to chat him up (smile).
Perhaps these two managed to tickle you because with your BP, they were able to differentiate you from other Asian men in Singapore.
Not sure I could do that once you are cured.
By Anonymous, at 2:39 pm

i did use the staff gym once....

hmmm, the guy must be reading your blog in hospital.. tsk tsk
(I did as well, actaully...)

But the important thing is...
"How's the recovery so far?"

dr brachy
By Anonymous, at 12:57 am

I hope you get to Soho, London and then I will definitely recognise you...but keep the goatee. Ok?

Thanks and good luck
Terry
London
(Do you use f*i***.com???)
By Anonymous, at 8:29 am

That sounded strange.
The reason I would be hard pressed to recognize you is that I have seen only the web page shot (Jon from the mirror on his ceiling) and the BP stretch face (smile) from the other day. Need to search your blog for other pics.

Jim A
By Anonymous, at 10:17 am

That's a wonderful invitation, Jon - and one I'm perfectly ready to take up! Sure you won't beat me up?

So it's perfectly alright if I march up to you in the ward, squeeze your bum and ask to check out the linen closet? :P
By savante, at 10:40 am

Totally forgot! Have a great Chinese New Year, jon. Collected any red packets? Or even worse, that horrid question?
By savante, at 10:43 am

Get well soon. Take the meds and pelan-pelan kayuh. Will take up the invitation when I next look into sin city.

can
By Anonymous, at 5:14 pm

hi jon, yes i would like to say hey when i see you but..im a girl (horrors!!) so will you say hey back and not think me crazy?? its so weird cos i feel like i know u n i tink u rawk..power lah u..
By Anonymous, at 8:56 pm

hi there... been reading yr blog, say... 2 days... long archives u have accumulated... highly interesting journal u've got here! enjoyed reading through them...
certainly agree with what "rilek-one-korner" said... the part about kinda knowing u already.... haha if i do see u on the street.. i promise i will at least smile and say hi k... God Bless... hahahahaha...
By Anonymous, at 11:53 pm

Hope you have recovered in time for Lunar New Year. :)

Well, if I ever recognise you on the streets, you can be sure that I'll say "hi", after smacking your butt from behind or something. Lol~

I'm pretty sure that you have something to grumble about the New Year, especially being bombarded by the relatives with "that horrid question" as phrased by savante.

I'm sure pissed off by my relatives, whom just never seem to get sick asking that annoying question. :(
By Anonymous, at 12:57 am

maybe when u wander around east, i could spot and approach you. and maybe, if you're not on your way to meet up your fuck friend(s), i'd love to stay for a chat. hehe.

hope u dun mind me asking, does it affect your cock? or is the paralysis purely on the face? anyhow, get well, jon!

- steve
By Anonymous, at 3:33 am

I'm sure lots of us would say 'Hi' if we ever get hospitalised in Singapore. Goatees are not uncommon though - post a pic of those pecs so we can recognise you!
By Perry Neeham, at 5:44 pm

i will tell you about my hot sex escapades if i do see you! i will scream your name, i will be like omgzzzzzz. ok that's if i do recognize you. happy new year jon!
By queerbarbie, at 7:00 pm

I'm too shy to say "Hi" on the streets, but I'll definitely say "Hellloooo" when I meet you in bed..
By Unknown, at 10:33 am

happy chinese new year!!
and i'm still reading your blog, dont worry.
By Anonymous, at 1:25 pm

Jim A: well i'm cured of my BP. so might be a tad harder. i'll pull my face down on the right if it helps though! and yes, my blog has plenty of my pics. search well!

brachy: people indeed do read my blog on the hospital. i found weblinks to my blog in my ward before. it's scary. there are actually people in my ward who read my blog. none the less, the Bell's practically gone. yay!

terry: well i'm completing a part-time degree with Uni of Sunderland currently. so a UK nursing license is in the works. woohoo! UK here i come! and no i don't use any personals. my blog is my personals, i guess.

savante: i think the on-call MO room is a much cosier place, no? i've never liked the smell of disinfectant anyways. :) my new year was great. made great profits this year. but i'll prolly blog on that another time. and yes, i tackled the question as well. my grandmother.

can: we're not sin city! we're a city of moral imperative! or at least that's what we want to portray i guess. but you're most welcome to our sunny shores!

ROK: i always thought you were a guy! gasp!

nard: alas, no one has said hi to me yet. and this is despite the fact that i'm out every weekeend, prostituting myself. none the less, i'm sure you will say hi.

celexter: i seriously think it's a conspiracy that all relatives gather together to prey on the homosexuals. like 'we all know, just that we want to poke fun at you!' it's almost like throwing mandarin oranges at the gay people, except done with words. prejudiced!

steve: no it doesn't affect my cock. but it does affect my balls. one side is lower than the other. no wait... that's natural right?

perry: oohh errr...those pecs are degenerating from my lack of exercise. still the goatee's growing. good recognition point.

queerbarbie: oooh... i'm all keen to hear lezzie sexcapades!

jock: hello!

wiki: hey. haven't heard from you in a while. thank goodness you're still reading!
By the nurse, at 9:06 pm

Quelles ressources sont disponibles pour tous ceux qui veulent mettre en place un cours d'écriture créative?
By Anonymous, at 11:09 am