i have to confess that i have always loved Proverbs. not as in Old Testament Proverbs or a punny group of people who strongly support the usage of verbs in everyday conversation. no. what i'm referring to are phrases such as 'don't count your chickens until they hatch' or 'all's fair in love and war' or 'a stitch in time saves nine'. those intellectual-sounding sentences that mostly don't have much practical usage in daily conversation until 'the shit hits the fan' (which is not a proverb, by the way). if you ask me, proverbs are very apt for describing situations with more metaphorical terms than 'fuck' or 'shit' or 'chee bye'. 'tis true that us Singaporeans are very prone to use the vage (local Hokkien term better known as chee bye) to summarize the best and worst of everyday situations. like say... two gay men who meet up for a midnight rendezvous:

Gay Person A: Did you bring along the condoms?

Gay Person B: Darn! I've totally forgotten about it!

Gay Person A: Chee bye!

Gay Person B: I've also forgotten the lube!

Gay Person A: Chee bye!

this is despite the fact that neither persons in this short conversational excerpt have an iota of interest in the female genitalia. some better and more educated suggestions i have for chee bye are 'Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb' (if you're going to get into the same amount of trouble, you might as well commit the greater offense) or 'Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea' (to be stuck with two choices that are both undesirable). of course, even better alternatives i have for chee bye can range from an inflatable sex doll to anal sex with another man. but yeah... back to proverbs.

you know what i like best about these proverbs? the fact that they are summaries about the generalities of life makes them all the more flexible, malleable and contradictory to each other. take for example, they say that the stylus may be mightier than the sword, but what use is it in deflecting the noisy actions that are seemingly louder than words? or people always claiming that the bigger, the better. yet they also say that good things come in small packages.

which makes all of us wonder for sure: do you like it big or do you like it small?


they always say that 'too many cooks spoil the broth'. of course, good questions to ask when such a phrase is mentioned would be 'who are they?' and also 'what sort of broth?' or 'how many cooks are you talking about?' cooks and broth has always been one of my favourite proverbs. i've never liked having too many people around, it tends to make situations more complicated. too many people trying to help, too many people causing more trouble, too many people requiring more attention. all this thinking about having too many people around fell into place when i participated in my first ever pre-planned gathering of gay men in a hotel room with the intent of fulfilling their carnal desires. or simply put, an orgy.

this may come as a bit of a revelation, but yeah, i'm in virgin territory when it comes to orgies. suffice to say, i've given this issue quite the long thought prior to this. i mean, orgies are fun and all. but when you throw in the social mechanics of the gay men, it makes things go really awry. everybody wants the ones with the ones with the nice bodies, the cute faces, the charming personalities, the big endowments. the ugly, the not-so-fit, the not so well-endowed, they all get left out. and when men get left out in sex, there's bound to be some form of social and sexual tension in the air.

a regular of mine arranged for a session with me, but only popped the orgy question way after we checked into the hotel room. now this regular isn't exceptionally handsome or fit or anything like that. the only reason why i still meet up with him is because we make really good conversation and share good times together. that's the intimacy that i like when it comes to sex. but of course, i'm good for spicing up the old routine and since he's the one paying for the exorbitant hotel room, i don't have much say, do i? and thus 11pm came and two other people arrived. for generalization's sake, let's label them as 'Lean and tanned Dragonboater' and 'Hunky, average-looking, easy-going chap'.

being new to all this, it was awkward to get the ball rolling. so i did what i did best to ease social tensions, i offered cigarettes to everyone. apparently, only Hunky was a social smoker, to which i told him, 'Hey... this is a social setting, so please don't hesitate to help yourself to the cigarettes if you are up for it.' alas, before Hunky even had the chance to do so, my regular pounced upon him like a hyena devoid of food for several days. i've never seen such an immense want for sex before. maybe it was because he was tripping. but words like 'devour' and 'desperation' come to mind. with Hunky pre-occupying the regular, i was left with Dragonboater. so we made small talk which eventually led to sex. i bonked him and later on, he bonked me as well.

but truth be told, i was eyeing for Hunky. nice chest, nice abs, an admitted narcissist (quote: 'I like to sit in front of the mirror to get hard'), of a jovial nature and really, a nice guy all round. that's my kinda guy. the night was still young though, and i knew sooner or later, Hunky would come round to me. i spent the earlier part of the night dispensing silly little comments like 'Watch the porn, it helps' or 'i wonder what they are doing in the toilet' (the regular and Hunky made their way to the toilet for a rather extensive period of time). suffice to say, the regular exhausted Hunky with his insatiable appetite for sex. i think this is why Hunky called in for reinforcements at about 2am in the morning. and the Calvary came at 4am in the form of a lean good-looking chap that i've come across before on the local gay internet personals. let's label him as eh... 'Curved 6"', for obvious reasons.

Hunky was wise in the sense that he briefed Curved 6" on what had happened in the hotel room so far. and Curved 6" who was a seemingly pro on the social mechanics behind an orgy spent a good three to four hour satisfying the regular and his needs. within that time, i got to bonk Dragonboater again, i got to bonk Hunky, i got to bonk Curved 6", got bonked by Curved 6" and got bonked again by Dragonboater. Hunky was considerably well-endowed. alas, he had problems getting hard due to the fact that he was trippin' too. 6am came and went. and the regular was getting more and more desperate. i haven't really spent time with Curved 6" because the regular was taking up a whole lot of time with him. and when i did, the regular would go into a sulk and say things like 'No no... it's okay, you finish up with him first' in a sort of sour tone that threatened to call off the whole orgy. this is why i hate having too many people around.

i was rather disgusted at 9am though. Hunky who had problems maintaining an erection was forced to have one in the bathroom by the regular. it's one thing to be horny. but to be horny to the point of forcing people to have sex with you, that's seriously embarrassing. i kept saying stuff like 'Thanks Hunky, for making the effort' and 'Thanks Curved 6" for being so self-sacrificial' throughout the entire night. i ended the night by giving all three men my number upon request, with the intent of keeping contact with none of them. not because i didn't like having sex with them, but rather my 'one-night-only' policy, another reason why i hate having sex with too many people: the after-sex and having to reject their advances for more sex after the entire session.

but as for Hunky... well, he might be worth the effort.

too many cooks spoil the broth? indeed, too many cocks spoil the sex as well.

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