call me an ignorant frat boy, but i have a bad habit of making bad jokes about breasts when the topic is brought up. somehow or other, i can picture an image of breasts in my mind and shred its dignity to pieces before any straight man can unhook another woman's bra. yeah, yeah. i know it's awfully disrespectful of me to make fun of a woman's sacred globes and all the feminists are unhooking their bras for burning faster than the straight men can help them unhook theirs. but believe me, it's all in the name of fun. i love breasts and i mean them no harm. in fact, i think they look awfully awesome after a reader of this blog, Jonrenz introduced me to the world of the stylish Victoria's Secret fashion shows. my favorite one by far being this one with a Scottish theme (insert visuals of kilts without undergarments).



the breast jokes were thus once again unleashed two days ago when all the guys from the morning shift were passing over to all the guys in the afternoon. it seldom happens, a team of guys passing over to another. so there was obviously this fraternity bonding thing going on between us with perhaps an overdose of vulgarities. the only things lacking were the free flow of beer and perhaps strippers. all was going breast-free until we arrived at the second last patient of the room. this particular patient had the ironic diagnosis of 'Right Breast Lump'.

at which i couldn't help but protest, 'Isn't the breast already a lump? It's like a lump on top of another lump which would technically make it a nipple, that is if you consider a nipple as a lump. otherwise it would just be like a snowman, lumps balanced on each other!'

Pang Keng (who was with the morning shift) was already suppressing his laughter in a 'hur hur hur' kind of tone. he had nothing intellectual to chip in, thus he just gave a random 'You make me feel like squeezing (insert random colleague)'s lumps'. he looked a bit like an ogre in a nursing uniform when he said it. i could picture him in my mind squeezing random colleague's breasts with his over-sensitive hands. it's quite a bloody mess actually.

we continued to pass the report only to discover that he was going to be sent for a colonoscopy. a colonoscopy is a bit like a kinky doctor-patient session take to a new level of extreme. pre-operatively, your bowels get cleaned out with laxatives or an enema. and during the procedure, your ass get numbed enough so that they can stick a dildo equipped with a camera up yours. this is all in the name of finding out what's wrong with your ass. but for all you know, the doctors are perhaps like frat boys as well. so they just send you for a colonoscopy in the name of fun and making a random diagnosis.

of course, all four of the male nurses were confused as to why the patient would need a picture of his bowels when he was admitted for a breast lump. we searched through the patient's past history in the case notes and nothing of relevance to anything anal. 'It's prolly a traveling lump or something lah, move all the way from breast to ass' i chimed in, equally puzzled.

to which Pang Keng his most redundant answer to date, 'Sigh... If only the correct lumps can travel. I will fucking bring them along with me wherever i go seah!'

to which all four of us male nurses gave a unified 'hur hur hur'.

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