for the first time in the parent's dowdy little conservative lives, they have decided to go on a holiday trip by themselves. and they are doing it with God, no less! everybody, meet THE ANNUAL BIBLE-PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH CAMP (*insert random fanfare and sparkles*) to be held this year in Seremban, Malaysia!

the annual church camp is an event that fills me with dread. i used to attend it with the parents and the brother back in the younger days because i didn't have much of a choice. the parents couldn't leave the brother and me alone at home. neither could they deposit us at some random relatives' place. so we tagged along despite all our consistent protests.

church camp never fails to bring back bad memories though. boring sermons and A LOT of it, bad food in the various four-star Malaysian hotels and even worse company with fellow campers who use words like 'The Lord Be Praised' on a regular basis. can you imagine greeting your fellow church camp mates every morning with a routine comment and getting a nonsensical yet zesty 'The Lord Be Praised' in return? can you imagine having to listen to sermons at least six times a day for five days in a row? can you imagine having to eat Chinese food interpreted in a local Malaysian sense? cannot right? then you haven't attended the Bible-Presbyterian church camp.

and oh oh! the youth in the church camp. i was part of the rejects in church back then because i was neither from an elite school nor socially-inclined nor 'cool'. but i've always thought that them church kids were a silly bunch of crappers; hanging out at the hotel lounge with S$9 cokes (no offence there, Norman) till the wee hours, trying to reason amongst themselves why hotel lounge cokes cost more than the average sweetened carbonated drink. and youth fellowship sessions in someone's hotel room, singing songs with guitar accompaniment and playing lame group games followed by a short sermon (as if six in the morning wasn't enough?) and refreshments. do note the refreshments normally did no better than the breakfast buffet. call me a scorned creep. but church kids are just not my cup of tea.

all that said, the parents have been planning this day for a bloody long time. and trust me when i say that they have been planning for a LOOOONG time. they have bought enough rations to feed Somalia for a month. they have left us with enough money to open a mini fish farm at home. and extremely detailed sets of instructions on how to run the washing machine and the maintenance of the home.

of course, the pink little wheels in my fluffy little mind are already turning and well-lubed up for some action. the brother will prolly be out during the next few days and so will i. in fact, i have already decided to visit the spas and fuck my brains out the next few days. not forgetting clubbing if i can find someone to go with. and at the back of my mind is to bring the brother out for our very first outing together.

plans plans plans. you know what they say, Man Proposes while God Disposes.

i can't help thinking though, what if one of us in the Teo family die in the next week? the more likelihood would perhaps be the parents while traveling up the North-South highway through Malaysia. i know that they are insured, so there money to be gained. but the brother is not insured. so perhaps it's true what the parents have been repeating to me for the past weeks - that the brother will officially be under my charge. from the way i see it, the brother and me can save each other if anything happens at home. i'm a nurse. the brother's a student nurse. what could possibly go wrong?

perhaps for once, i can agree that 'The Lord Be Praised!'

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