jon's blog

Saturday, May 19, 2007

project 355: pride over patient

it really scares me sometimes, how the male pride can really make one oblivious to what's most important at hand.

being in the hospital, where frustration and stress are constantly working against the male staff, it's a wonder how the men survive. countless are the times when i have seen male doctors and nurses, out of a fit of anger, frustration or irritation, putting the lives of their patients at risk. it could be something as simple as medication errors, or perhaps a tad more dramatic, an unprecedented fall. no matter what it is, it is so against Hippocrates and the Nurses' pledge to risk harming the patient, just so that you can survive with your pride and balls intact at the end of the day.

still, who am i to criticize when i too am a proud owner of a decent pair of bongs and a dong? i have to confess that just like your typical chump, i am equally prone to being rash in defending the honor of my genitals. everyday i meet trying patients who threaten to make me explode ALA Heroes-style. everyday i meet cranky menopausal female staff who seem to pick on the nitty-gritty things that are irrelevant to health-care. everyday i meet other male doctors who are frustrated with nurses who call them over every little issue about their patients. stress, just like SARS and cooties, is contagious. which results in more men getting worked up over nothing. as you can see, the hospital is one hell of a fucking stressful place.

not helping is the fact that my hospital is Singapore's biggest one with the most diverse of specialized departments. the other hospitals have a great tendency to transfer many patients over to us when they are unable to treat them. apparently, they are not equipped with the medical facilities to do so. which begets a question: then why bother opening up your hospital at all? our Emergency Department never closes unlike the other major hospitals in Singapore. meaning that we have a constant flow of patients coming in. which is good if you can cope with it all. but truth be told, we're already bursting at the seams in terms of available beds.

which is what happened last week when i was in charge of an elderly patient who was diagnosed with cancer of the larynx. in case you didn't know, the larynx is better known in the layman's as the voicebox. according to wikipedia, it protects the trachea and aids in sound production. now this chap's laryngeal cancer was pretty much in the late stage, the tumor having grown to a size that obstructed the respiratory tract. not helping was the fact that he was wheezing very badly. and wheezing, to the patient's relatives is extremely worrying. according to my colleague, his original hospital was unable to treat him and he had to be sent over to mine. more reason for the relatives to get all frustrated over minute issues.

anyways, Mr CA Larynx had to get a Chest X-ray done as part of the hospital pre-operative protocols. the doctors wanted to insert a trachestomy tube down the windpipe so that he could breathe without the tumorous growth in the way. so my morning shift colleague faxed an X-Ray form to the Radiology department, requesting for him to be sent there via the wheelchair. the wheelchair part, i swear i didn't know. because if i did, i would have canceled and brought the X-Ray to the patient, rather than the patient to the X-Ray. they have portable X-Ray machines in my hospital.

the porter from Radiology came at a bad time when i was busy settling new admissions. i couldn't be bothered with genial 'hellos' and 'thanks for coming up to send my patient', so i simply handed her the X-Ray form and left her to do her thing. by then, i had already forgotten the fact that my patient was a breathless wreck. so it was to my irritation when she came back in less than 30 seconds demanding for an oxygen tank and a nurse to accompany her down with the patients. for some unknown reason, she was really sarcastic and horrid throughout the whole process. plus she raised her voice when she was demanding her tank and nurse. and to my male ego, raising one's voice is like whipping out the colt that was stuffed in the back of your pants and pointing it at me. before i knew it, i was blinded by fury and having a stupid argument with Radiology woman over my colleague's little mistake. and who was the one suffering in the background? *wheeze*

i realized it was going no where. so i shut up and immediately ran to get the oxygen tank. true, the dick in me was giving in slowly. but the balls were still in the way. protocol requires that one nursing staff accompany any patient in risky health conditions. i refused to follow protocol, she threatened to bring it up to her supervisor. and i told her to do just that. true enough, i received a phone call within 4 minutes:

Radiology: Hi, can i speak to the staff in charge of Mr. Wheeze?

Me: Okay please hold on, i'll go look for him.

(makes shuffling noise, 'Hey have you seen the nurse in-charge of Mr. Wheeze?', 'Oh, he's doing a dressing?')

Me: (feigned disappointment) Hi, i'm so sorry but the in-charge is doing a dressing now, can i take a message?

Rad: Yes, your staff just sent down a patient in critical condition. that's not very fair for our staff here. (insert very long-winded speech revolving around hospital policies and protocol)

Me: (feigned sadness) oh, i'm so sorry that it happened. you see, our staff here is very new to the ward. so i think he's not too sure about (insert long-winded speech revolving around hospital policies and protocol). I'll talk to him and ensure it'll never happen again, yah?

Rad: For record's sake, can we take down the staff's name?

Me: Okay sure. Staff Nurse Zhang.

Rad: Staff Nurse... C-H-A-N-G?

Me: That's right.

yeah yeah. so i lied. but at least i got out of the whole situation with Mr. Wheeze still alive and wheezing. and besides, there are a lot of China nurse in my ward with 'Zhang' as their family name. so i'm thinking that i'm relatively safe. looking back, i think it was very unprofessional on my part to neglect patient care and get caught up in the whole argument with Radiology Woman. but rage is a very powerful and blinding force. i can still vividly remember that fire in me that existed the whole time i was raising my voice with Radiology Woman. it actually felt good to be able to shout at someone and this is what scares me. all my life i have never really been a violent person or even very verbal for that matter (i'm gay after all). but the older i get, i realize that i've become more and more impatient with things. perhaps it's true what they say, that with age, comes rage.

falling short of cutting off my balls, what can a gay man do to control rage?

posted at 11:53 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

18 Comments:

errrmmm wouldnt this post get you into trouble at the hospital? Especially since your colleagues already found out about the existence of your blog?
By Anonymous, at 1:22 am

i hate radiologist. i think they got too much exposure to the rays. =p

yeah, wouldn't you get into trouble? I suggest that if you want to bitch about hospital stuffs you should make the post private. heh.
By Anonymous, at 3:10 am

i'm not really sure but i don't see myself getting into trouble because of this post. no worries, i won't do anything to jeopardize my nursing career... falling short of having sex.
By the nurse, at 5:04 am

Men are men. I had a meltdown at my bank last week when they wouldn't issue me an ATM card that works outside of Korea. This after they had just given me a credit card, which are notoriously difficult for foreigners to obtain here. I dropped the F bomb a couple of times and had to leave before I had an aneurysm. Being gay has nothing to do with it. Gotta love testosterone...
By sterlinglush, at 11:57 am

Hey hey I have to agree with you on that. This kind of situation happens countless of time over at my workplace. We men (irregardless of our identity; Bi for my case) have to uphold our pride. With the amount of our workload we have, we tend to or rather stand on our pride than patients safety. Can't deny these stupid SOPs and HAPs are a nuisance and only make our job harder than it should. Being in the "first hosp in S'pore to be accredited with JCI", there are lots of redundant SOPs to follow. Especially for me, when questioned, I insists that whatever answer I gave are correct (though at the end of the day I found out that some are about 85% right - well hey that's a disticntion too!) and not mention the many "arguments" with porter and other healthcare professionals.
What happen to you did happen to me last time and I did the same thing. For my case, its a COLD patient and its around 5.45pm as I was busy dishing out pre-dinner medications (ok I cheat.. I served the after dinner ones also). True enough the X-ray dept called the ward and I answered. I said the exact thing you said. And for that stupid record purposes they asked for name, I told them I'm XYZ when i'm actually ABC. They also request a nurse to come down and fetch my patient up but i forgot abt it.. By the way this patient is a damn f**king irritating whom will keep asking for nebs every 1hour sharp and saying i will sue for this and for that. 15 minutes later the phone rings and I knew that its from X-ray dept again for sure to get rid of my patient from their place I ignore the phone however my colleague answered it and she was like shouting "ABC the X-ray dept just now call to ask a nurse to fetch back your patient and why still nobody go down?!" and I denied by saying "nobody informed me!". The next day i was on morning duty, it was a very fine morning and suddenly a memo was sent to my manager abt the yest incident. I told her who the F**K is XYZ! And all the morning and afternoon staff was 'lectured' by her and because of that I left the ward at 3.30pm. I was so pissed off when actually i can leave an hour before. (my shift ends at 2.30)
By Anonymous, at 12:07 pm

you fucking rock lar! hahahahha
By queerbarbie, at 12:23 pm

hey ..dont cut off your balls lah! let me give you a bl*w j*b first! hahahahah!
By Anonymous, at 12:28 pm

Chemical Castration?
By William, at 2:03 pm

l enjoyed your blog.

It is very gutsy for you to reveal everything on blogshere (that the rationale for it anyway)..and honesty is one real virtue many lack even while blogging due to the unforgiving work environment in Singapore..

Nevertheless, keep your chin up! Once your wings are hard enough, greener pastures awaits you!!
By Bone_collector, at 2:26 pm

Anonymous, "For my case, its a COLD patient and its around 5.45pm as I was busy dishing out pre-dinner medications (ok I cheat.. I served the after dinner ones also)." Isnt this unprofessional? Just wondering though.

I thought when we're getting older, we have better control over our emotions. At least to me. I used to fire back when someone stepped on my tail, but, as i said ealier, i get older and the control over emotion is there, it's JUST there. you can really feel the blood boiling and rushing through your veins, your heart beats faster, yet, you can still smile and have your brain works over stuff before you say it out, or even better, before you act. *practice* *practive* and *practice* ...hahaha
By Anonymous, at 3:21 pm

marshall: i have to say that the F word works wonders. it tends to scare the shit out of service providers. well, at least it scares the shit out of me when someone uses the F word. still, i hope you did get a bank card that works outside of K-land.

personwhotheverylongcomment:
i can so totally relate to that! when you're angry, nothing can stop you. it's like a totally different person takes over you and makes all the decisions to protect yourself and your dignity. then again, there are many factors working agianst us men. so it's an uphill struggle not to get angry.

queerbarbie: awww. thanks. :)

william: maybe maybe. if i lose an interest in men and women, then perhaps i'll consider that.

bone_collector: honesty is almost always the best policy. though i tend to exaggerate sometimes, i try not to steer too far from the truth. but yeah, hopefully the wings harden soon, because i'm starting to feel the brunt of nursing. keep reading!

wiki: unprofessional, true. but nobody really serves the pre-and-post meds at their respective times. i just separate them in different cups, letting the patient know when to take them.
anyways, i guess i'm making up for lost time when it comes to anger. or maybe it's just the working environment. because outside of work, i'm an embodiment of peace. i seldom get angry. in fact, i never get angry. it's work lah.
By the nurse, at 7:03 pm

hey wikiencyclopedia, ya it may sounds unprofessional (because I used the word "cheat") but I make it the work more professional by educating my patients (and their relatives - if any) that those medications are after food and why it must be taken after food (though at some point of time they dont understand). So, at least there are some communications between the nurse and the patients and that can be therapeutic. With the amount of workload it may sometime not possible to serve the after dinner medications at 7 cause that's also the time where the afternoon staff past over to the night staff (over at my hospital). If lucky enough 20 minutes is enough for the handover, if not it can drag up to 45minutes. and the remaining time for us to complete out all the little administrative here and there. Imagine from 12noon till 8+++ I'm smoke-free! there's no smoker-friendly place in my ward or other place in the hospital compound except to go to rooftop which took me 8minutes/way - and I cant be seen going out of the ward to frequent.

Bone_collector I have to agree with you. Yup I enjoyed reading Jon's blog. Very open. Which I dont dare to do one. Cause my superior is quite an IT savvy, she may found out one day and thats it! my appraisal will be affected!.. Hey I like the drawings too! pictures speaks a thousand words!
By Anonymous, at 8:03 pm

OMG spO2 89%!! Your cartoon man is freaking desaturating on a nasal prong!
By savante, at 11:02 pm

savante: yeah believe me. he was flooking desat-ing which is what makes me so guilty about sending him down without any staff in the first place. sigh. the perils of nursing...
By the nurse, at 11:38 pm

My mum was in your hospital observation wards today... they allow my mom to discharge eventhough her blood pressure was high, very high. Coz they needed the bed space for new patient!!!!

i was hoping to see you. but i din!

:(
By Anonymous, at 1:10 am

looks like the familiar day-to-day grind is getting to you and you are circling at sea level.it's obvious Jon.you need a vacation! I suggest a trip to Machu Picchu. elevate!
By WILL, at 6:29 am

fifthwall: yeah hospital policy. it really aggravates the patients and their relatives. and who has to answer for it? the nurses.

will: Machu Picchu? nah. height and high is not really for me. unless it's 'high' we're talking about.
By the nurse, at 8:43 am

Hey. I liked the one about the molesting !! haha.. Take it as a compliment .You handled it so well..would love to have handled you myself..so don't blame the patient. Of course it is an assault and if he had grabbed the tits of a female nurse she would have screamed. Hardening excited tits are easier to hide.
Molestation to me is when someone ugly ( without a nice dong ) handles me constantly despite my objections, and there is someone else I want in the vicinity.I wish you had been taking care of me when I was in hospital .. your dong in my back would have stimulated me to a quick recovery ( or a chronic long stay ) .
Keep it up...and come to nurse in Hong Kong. Hugs
By Anonymous, at 2:13 pm