jon's blog

Sunday, May 13, 2007

project 355: yup (but where's the i love you?)

so the (insert random animal that can fit into hand-carry luggage)'s out of the bag that i've broken up with the boyfriend... or should i say, the ex (no. 3). the ex and i officially broke up at around 3pm on the recent saturday afternoon. i was working the afternoon shift that day and i couldn't run out of the ward to my spot of solitude and cigarettes, the hospital roof. so the first i did was to drop everything i was doing and head for the assisted bathroom in the ward to do what i do best when i'm under great duress. nope, not to masturbate (that's 2nd best). but to smoke. two sticks of Viceroys and a quick pee later, i emerged from the toilet, as refreshed as menthol, albeit smelling a whole lot like second-hand smoke. i resumed work, looking like nothing had happened.

how i wish that were the case though, that this relationship is nothing but a horribly unrealistic episode of a cliched American teenage drama. right now, i'm at a crossroads between feeling like the world's greatest loser and winner. one says that i'm the supposedly faithful boyfriend who tried his best not to cheat on the ex for once and was awarded lousy returns. this guy sounds like he would be singing 'I Will Survive' (an anthem that i uber-dislike) in a dimly-lit gay bar for sad gay men with no lives. the latter simply says with a nonchalant flick of the wrist, 'i'm a heartless bastard and since we've broken up, i can move on with life and starting fucking the shit out of Singapore'. that statement, of course, comes accompanied with lube and rubbers.

believe me, countless are the times i've been tempted to cheat during the past 4 months with my spa memberships. just for old time's sake, i would take out the membership cards and just look at the beautiful plastic and think about how this beautiful piece plastic can grant me more access to people who can be considered as not only 'beautiful', but also 'plastic'. i've tried telling the ex several times how much effort it really is for me not to cheat, especially the temptation of spas and random sex. but he would have none of it, preferring to be in denial of my tendencies to be upfront and realistic about things.

i can say the same thing happened in this relationship as well. the pressures of religion were calling upon him after the grandmother's death. unable to decide between a religion he grew up with for nearly 23 years and a boyfriend of only 4 months, he picked the one he knew better. and it's not the boyfriend. so, congrats luv, you have a one-way ticket to heaven now!

technically, he left the decision to me and it was because of what he said that made me decide a break-up was best for both of us. we broke up over SMS, you see. and this is what i hate about the 'great' advancements we have in communications technology these days. nobody likes to have face-to-face or at least conversations involving vocal cords anymore. this makes SMS the perfect tool for breaking up without having to listen to all the denials, accusations, crying, curses and sadness. it was perfect for me when the previous ex and i broke up (sorry!). but not this time.

i asked the boyfriend, 'just tell me, do you still love me?'

the reply was a big 'not really' hiding behind the guise of the following text 'Yup. But i think its best that u move on..'

i realize i read too deep into all things linguistic. i can't help it! i'm a writer! deep down in my literate heart, i was screaming 'What the fuck is Yup?' Yup is like one of the lowest forms of postive answers that anyone can give in the english-world. it means casualness. it means 'i don't give a fuck'. it could even mean 'Yupyupyupyupyupyupyupyupyup' like those crazy hairy alien things you see on Sesame Street. all in all, that whole SMS lacked commitment and that was what made me move on.

and move on i shall. it was a great 4 months and and i learned a lot about giving up things for someone you love. but i guess, that at the end of the day, the only one who truly loves you is just you yourself. and you know what they say, 'Ain't nobody gonna love you better than you yourself'.

what can i say? Yups to that man.

posted at 9:09 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

22 Comments:

Hey...sorry about what happened. Like you, my ex broke up with me via sms too. So lame and all so cowardly. And to think that I turned my back on my religion for her... She's since moved on to 2 other gals. Looking back, I think the person she loves most IS herself. Dude, you're better off without him! Celebrate your new found freedom!
By Anonymous, at 1:12 am

hey my ex (no 1) broke up with me over sms too! and yes i agree that "yup" is the worst way of replying something likethat. it's like if my dad asked me if i have had dinner and i reply "yup".

in any case, you take care of yourself, so many single men out there waiting for you to have random sex with them!!!

*sniffs the air* singledom is gooood..
By Anonymous, at 1:16 am

True love ?...not easy but there still is.

Skeptical caution of freq flirtation encourages LTR. That's where trust surfaces,in both homo and hetero. (may be subjective..but at least my experience tells)

Well, I should say 'age' does count too.

I am sure Jon will find true love. Come on Jon is a nice guy !
By Anonymous, at 3:34 am

What an irresponsible way to break up through SMS. Fuck technology advancement big time man.

Anyway, felt sorry for you to be treated that way.
By Anonymous, at 8:03 am

hey, we are in the same boat. but dont worry, we all know that we are gg to get better. but dont be too hard on yourself!

i know, life sucks, love hurts.
By queerbarbie, at 8:20 am

do i need to feel sorry for you? just a question without any intention. while i was going through your blog, i remember a break-up using post-out (SATC, damn..why gays like to watch SATC)!'Yup' to me is 'Yeah, so?'. but anyway, not all (most) people are not good in literature, we cant just expect too much from somebody. thing about giving up. if your new found love 'beseech' you to give your world's 1 best, smoking. can/will you do it? for the sake of 'luv'?
By Anonymous, at 8:51 am

SMS? How cliched.
By Anonymous, at 10:05 am

Sorry to hear bout that... Hope ya will stay strong and who knows what will happen in the future, right :)
By yw[2k], at 10:23 am

wow! your single ... see you at TC. been eyeing you for the longest time - your pic in your profile, i mean. oooopss! pardon my english! *muakz*
By Anonymous, at 10:31 am

Ouch. A break up thru sms. Certainly easier for him but far more cowardly especially with nothing better than a yup.

Deep breaths now. Don't go on a crazy orgy of expiation and naked men in spas!
By savante, at 12:33 pm

Hi jon,

Pardon me for asking somethng irrelevant. When exactly is nurse's day?
By Anonymous, at 12:54 pm

so sorry to hear that...

- steve
By Anonymous, at 1:50 pm

amended my previous comment 'do i need to feel sorry for you? just a question without any intention'. i should have said, 'let me know if you want me to feel sorry for you' (hell lah, does it make lots of difference?). some people just dont like it when you show pity on them. well, for amending my own comment and feel a bit shame about it, i give you hand in answering one of your fan's question:
International Nurses Day (IND) is celebrated around the world every May 12. This day is celebrated to remember all of the valuable contributions nurses make to society.
By Anonymous, at 5:03 pm

*pats on the back* there there. at least you're rid of a cowardly ex now. :)
By Anonymous, at 5:38 pm

hey. my condolences. my friggin coward ex broke up with me with a sms too! so lame. so cheap.
no worries dear, im sure the better one is out there! let time takes its course baby :)
By pamlit, at 7:41 pm

cool blog.
By Devon, at 7:28 am

Hey Jon, I'm sorry to hear about your break up... I'm sure there would be someone better out there waiting for you. Mourn if you need, and then move on ba.

J****
By Anonymous, at 12:06 pm

reading about your ex choosing religion over you really reminds me of my own relationship. my ex was torn between his religion and having a r/s with me... and the precipitating event was just like in your case, his grandmother passing away. it still hurts to recall what he said, about how the two of us being together is a sin which led to god punishing him through his grandma.
By Anonymous, at 1:09 am

Go put that 'spa' membership to good use dude!
By Anonymous, at 2:41 pm

You write very well about the anxiety and faint dissatisfaction that lurks beneath an increasingly unfulfilling relationship (which clearly this was).

But it's better, I feel, to clear space for something truly significant than simply coast along for the sake of it. And it’s so fucking depressing to date someone who's simultaneously dating his baggage (three's a crowd). There was you, him and his religious struggle. Who needs the drama? He should have chosen you, I would have.

Thing is, you're a catch. There are a many cute men who would love to have a bf as accomplished and attractive as you.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years now and I have to see it's been (mostly) outrageous fun. True love, in fact. I would never have believed it would happen, but I hoped for it and it did in the end.

We were introduced by a seven-foot tall (in heels) drag queen. She put my hand in his, and it was like a scene out of Shakespeare. But even then my boyfriend didn’t pay me much attention when we first met - the second time was the charm.

Anyway very nice blog. A lot of interesting stuff here. I’ll post more if I’m welcome.
By fastlad, at 12:33 am

I can't break-up through SMS for three reasons:

1. I barely have credit most of the time anyways (struggling uni student).

2. I find the word limit annoying. 'coz it means I have to continue explaining on the second post, assuming I have more to explain. That's just sad because I might not have enough credit to explain further. And I'm not the kind who would settle with a "yup".

3. If I was to have a techonologically conscious break-up, I'd do it via email; So I can carbon-copy the bloody thing to whomever is next on the waiting list, if you know what I mean. Sorry mate, I just can't wait for another heartache.

Cheers,

Nickels
By Anonymous, at 12:19 am

heya ... hope u feeling better now. erm, am available. hehe.
By Anonymous, at 1:05 pm