if there's one thing i suck at other than huge cocks and pert nipples, it's gotta be quarreling. i have to admit that i've always envied our more feminine homosexual counterparts who seemed to have evolved, along with the flamboyance, an acerbic wit and razor-sharp tongue. countless are the times when i have seen straight men being torn to shreds by these quick-minded people and their well-sharpened wit. they say that the pen is mightier than the sword. well, in this case, it's the mouth that once again proves that it can not only suck dick, but also counter sword-slashes and pen-attacks. i have to say, the mouth is indeed one of God's finest creations.

come to think of it, it's because of the powerful mouths that the sissies and trannies have, i have made it a point to never tread on the stiletto-clad toes of these people. in fact, to avoid getting handbag-slapped and stiletto-stabbed, let's just address them by the more politically-correct terms of sisters and sis-tahs. that way, i can still walk past Orchard Towers and the Palais Renaissance without ever having my Plastic Surgeon on the speed dial.

still, when it comes to verbal sparring, my mind definitely pales in comparison to our feminine friends. my brain is just not clever and fast enough to think of sarcastic little retorts that i can shoot back. most of the time, i take so long to comprehend these verbal attacks that by the time i get it, the opposition would have already shredded my flailing speeches to flakes. surprisingly though, i seem to be able to do it when i'm behind my laptop. there's just something about being given time to think and the existence of the thesaurus on the laptop that makes me seem intellectual. i'm the world's funniest guy on MSN and the world's 54th funniest guy on my blog. no matter what, the general public still gives more street cred to the spoken word rather than the written.

for now, the general public will be able to see how horrid i am at an upcoming Inter-hospital debate competition. apparently, my supervisor who thinks that i can speak eloquently, has submitted my name without my prior knowledge to join the debates. what she doesn't realize is that a high amount of eloquence does not mean a high amount of intelligence.

nonetheless, i still got in in the end. and i think it was because i'm the only guy who auditioned for the part. i wish i could say 'because of a dose of good looks' or 'he spoke with such great wisdom'. but no, i got in because i had a dong dong. weeks later, i'm still doing quite a shitty job of trying to look intelligent. admittedly, i've never had much experience with debate. drama, yes. a soliloquy, yes. an impromptu scene, definitely. but nothing that involves making a point with much conviction and believable facts.

which makes me really puzzled. after all, a debate is nothing but acting. acting like you have a point to make about something, when in fact, you don't believe a single word of it at all. not helping is also the topic which i personally think is codswallop. my other team members who are a bunch of very intelligent people are constantly spurring each other on to come up with rebuttals (or what i coined as 'rebuttocks' in a fit of boredom; we'll smack them right back in the ass) so that we can retort back everything the opposition throws at us.

most of the time though, i'm the clueless one who can present my motion very well, but have no idea what i'm saying. in fact, the above picture was what i was doing with the other team members while debating: doodling and sketching pictures of penises and all things phallic.

come to think of it... maybe that was the point i was trying to make.

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