jon's blog

Monday, May 14, 2007

project 355: i know... and they will soon know too

my entire identity at the workplace is made up entirely of 2/3 plastic and 1/3 me. 'plastic' here of course refers to the fact that nearly nothing in me is real at the workplace. not 'plastic' in the plastic surgery sense. though come to think of it, the word you're looking for is 'cellulite'. 2/3 cellulite and 1/3 me is rather true actually. but i digress.

the problem with every workplace i've been at is that i've never liked opening up to the colleagues. i owe this largely to the gay issue at hand, which is why i'm always full of secrets. it's cool because it maintains this aura of mystery around you and nobody asks you out for office gatherings. but the problem with revealing your sexual orientation to your colleagues is this: you tell one colleague. that one thinks that it's too juicy a secret to keep to herself and then the one tells another one, who thinks it's still too juicy a secret to keep to herself, who then goes on to tell another one, who thinks it's still juicy.... an hour later, practically all your colleagues including the janitor are discussing office politics that involve homosexuality and how it affects workplace morale over the water cooler.

the other problem with the revelation is that once the dust settles, you end up being the Encyclopedia Brown of Homosex. everybody comes to you with questions, expecting that you'll solve them. why? because you're a male gay person. you have been blessed with the powers to see things both the masculine and feminine way. soon enough, you'll see yourself being able to set up a booth at the carnival, charging $5 to solve every single question of life. not only that, people tend to ask you irritating questions like 'so you stick it into the other guy's ass?' or 'do you actually put it in your mouth?' nobody uses words like 'boyfriend' in these cases, the preferred term still being something more androgynous like 'other half' or 'partner'.

what can i say? been there, done that, don't intend to be there or do that again.

alas, i said it too fast, because i think i might have to do the whole gay FAQ thing again. you see, it seems that someone mystery person (presumably gay), has been surfing my blog at the workplace. there are several sections in the ward, divided according to the patient's class status. apparently, the computer in the Medical Officer's room at A class is loaded with page hits of my blog. i'm fine if you serve my blog at the hospital. but at least have the good ol' common sense to wipe it out from the HISTORY FOLDER! i can hide and hide and use replacement terms for gay-oriented nouns/verb/adjectives. but it's always the blog and it's existence in the web browsing software's history folder that always gets to me in the end. it happened in church. it happened during my nursing school days. ditto for Brunei. and now, work.

in the past few weeks, a few people at work seem to have gotten wind of the fact that i'm a homosexual. all this started when a colleague told me that she chanced upon my blog while looking through the the history folder of the computer in the medical officers' (MO) lodgings. the MO room, as we call it, is where the MO-on-call sleeps for the night. obviously, an MO (or whoever else) forgot to clear out the history folder. thus resulting in 2 out of 70 plus nursing colleagues having knowledge of my sexuality status right now.

one of them is a fellow smoker who broke this shocking piece of news to me over a cigarette break. i'm lucky that she's pretty cool with it (smokers are cool with everything, it seems). the other person was a nursing girl whom i did not know that well because she does the night shift. the only thing i remember about her is that she looks Eurasian and she keeps giving me that 'dirty' look after i found out that she knows. maybe it's my oversensitivity, but i believe in 'an eye for an eye'. i gave her back an even 'dirtier' look. her definition of 'dirty' was more like disgusted. mine is more like 'dirrrrrty'. i did the international sign for a blowjob to her, with a clenched fist and one inflated cheek. which resulted in her 'dirtiest' look, seething with disgust.

here's the thing. i don't mind people knowing that i'm gay because i'm all open now for random encounters of gay sex in my uniform while at work. but at least don't be judgmental. true, i'm going to hell where the use of a cigarette lighter is rendered useless. i'll burn in the lake of fire and brimstone and prolly won't die while being at it. and i know you think you're going to heaven because you pray everyday that the world would soon enough be purged of all the impurities like fornicators, whoremongers, bacteria, thieves, murderers, SARS, black metal, suicide bombers, etc. but really, you can skip the dirty look. how would you like to be in my fashionably gay shoes for a day while everyone gives you enough dirty looks to make the gah-men launch another 'Clean & Green' campaign that we so don't need again?

an alternative: rather than reading my blog and giving dirty looks, why not say 'hi' and give critical comments like 'i think your blog sucks' or 'i think your writing sucks' or 'i think your c**k needs to be sucked'. i'll give you back a dirty look at initially. but 5 minutes later, i'll remember that i made a proclamation like the above statement and realize that i've been quite an idiot. and the next time we bump into each other again, who knows i'll tell you something sucky about yourself.

and believe me, it might be verbal... or oral.

posted at 9:13 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

20 Comments:

Ouch. And it's hell wondering who's the one going around reading your blog at work! Had the same problem here but fortunately my colleague came out to me instead :P

So who is the MO?
By savante, at 1:23 pm

hahaha sprung back to life... cool! :D

- steve
By Anonymous, at 2:27 pm

hmmm, i'm not one of those people who've approached you for your view on issues am i? sure hope not man!

anyway whatever it is, hope things don't get too hairy for you there. is that eurasian chick hot btw? =P
By cynic, at 2:50 pm

it's very funny! i would really want to see how the girl's face looks like when you replied her sign for 'dirty look' with 'dirtyyyyy' one, adding along the international sign of blowjob! Did she drop her jaw? -> that might be the sign that she wants to give a bj anyway, LOL..
By Anonymous, at 3:44 pm

I get worried when colleagues use my laptop. Time to purge some stuff...
By William, at 5:43 pm

its not a big sucky deal...
keep your dirrrty look and dirrrty smile to them whom does it to you.
they dunno how lucky someone is, who born to be a gay...
happy!!... support u jonathan...
know liao then know lar... nvrm de...
one day, the whole world will know, gay is everywhere..
By junjun, at 5:52 pm

women.. they are all most probably closet lesbians themselves. i think your image sparks a disgust in them because they do no want their lesbian self to emerge again.
By Amreet, at 7:48 pm

take it as a compliment that people just can't get enough of you and they just love to be updated by your every lil move.
By pamlit, at 10:23 pm

You really do make pple hornyyy. (:
By Anonymous, at 10:59 pm

i think it's very gutsy of u to be able to face all this hindrances and still b proud of who u are. there's no rite n wrong in this world; just people's perception of what's rite and what's wrong. gay ppl should deserve to live like everyone else! n i think very cool of u to share this on the web! Keep hanging there. =)
By Anonymous, at 11:30 pm

Jon, with your skills, ie. nursing, I say you go apply for a nursing job here in Los Angeles. Living here should stop the dirty looks and you could celebrate who you are on a daily basis.
I guess we in West Hollywood are so lucky that we forget the "other" side to being gay. If you need applications let us know!!
We get to live life and not worry about it.
judson
By EightNineFourFive, at 11:56 pm

Hah..so now you know how popular your blog is ! It has that kind of 'sense and sensibility' element.

Please welcome your straight blog-reader. Who's not curious about gay!? Gay movie has been always a sold out.

Well,take it as you are oversensitive.

Why not make friend with her...I believe there isn't any sexual orientation barrier in friendship. Unless 'she' has been your secret admirer..you know, that kind of disappointment @^@

I hope 'she' is reading...come on la, knowing a person by his personality not sexual orientation. Anyone can be criminal la. Instead,'she' needs to beware of XYY than XXY. Cheers
By Anonymous, at 6:20 am

savante: i have my suspicions of who's the MO. but nobody's coming out to me. so it's no fun.

steve: yeah. up and over. thanks. :)

cynic: no lah, dom. you're the most lepak comms student i've ever known. anyways, the eurasian chick is not that hot. a little on the heavy side. i hope she's not reading this actually. (suck cock hand action)

wiki: i like shock tactics. not only do they shock, but also very tactical.
By the nurse, at 7:02 am

william: i get worried whenever ANYONE uses my laptop. too much porn. and very much of the deviant kind.

amreet: i think every woman needs another female tongue in them once in a while. loosens them up, if you know what i mean. now if only the same could be said for the guys.

pamlit: i feel like a reality tv show.

eric t: it doesn't matter what other people think. what i think matters the most. of course, that makes me a very selfish bastard. but then aren't most people very selfish in the 1st place?

judson: ooooh. LA. sounds fun. i'll consider it when my bond with this hospital is over.

juniortaste: nah. i don't have time to finish my work already. what more make friends. besides she's the night shift staff. i'm the morning and afternoon. we're destined to seldom meet.
By the nurse, at 7:10 am

I know what you mean by the "dirty" look. It's kind of ironical that some of the most judgemental of all are from the health care profession. I've known of homophobic collegues working with gay HIV patients and I always wonder if they stuck to the Hippocrates oath while treating them! Jeeze....
By Anonymous, at 10:29 am

Hey wait a minute... Your colleague surfed my site as well!

The history links can be clearly seen in the screencapture! :O
By yw[2k], at 2:48 pm

hmm.. hasn't that MO posted comments on your blog before? cuz i recall having seen 1 or 2 entries by him just last month..

some people don't care enough to clear the history folder and some are just simply busybodies checking it. Who on earth ever check his or her history folder anyway?
By thelostguardian, at 3:15 pm

yw2K: no lah. this is from my laptop. i surfed your webbie.

ethan: true what you said. who really bothers clearing the history folder? except for the paranoid and the guilty, nobody.
By the nurse, at 9:16 pm

Actually, this was a great post about the issue of office politics. While this is the first one I've run across dealing with sexual orientation and being outed at work, office politics generally centers around relationships, information, and power. (Sorry, just wrote a book on the topic of office politics, so I find it easy to see other applications.)

You made a very astute observation about outing yourself that "you tell one colleague... tells another one... an hour later, practically all your colleagues including the janitor are discussing...." When information is the basis of power, that's not unusual.

It sounds like you are very comfortable with yourself and your identity, which is a key ingredient for handling office politics no matter what the issue.

Great read!
By Anonymous, at 8:03 pm

Ah ok... Nothing on my blog really... Haha. Keep on writin', love ya witty and hillarious entries! :)
By yw[2k], at 1:25 pm