There's one thing about myself that I can never understand. I love taking pictures of myself even though I know that 90% of the time, I look really terrible. Even the backdrop seems much more marriageable in photos. I have no idea why. But I just can't seem to look good in photos. Either I will show too much teeth (which makes me look like a freaking chink) or I will show too little eye (which makes me look like a freaking chink) or I will screw it up by showing too little teeth and too much eye (which still makes me look like a freaking chink).

But still, I guess what pushes me to take narcissistic photos is that in-built shamelessness that comes with being gay. Of course along with all the other special abilities like being able to detect other gays in a confined space, an ego as big as Lydia Sum, and (some tragically, don't have this) an undeniable sense of fashion.

I know I make being gay sound like being a mutant (X-Men 3 opens on May 25th people!). But then again, what with all those tight leather suits and lithe bodies, I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't just an S&M club in disguise. There are big hairy men. There are big muscular men. There are topless men with wings. There are men with claws. There are even men who ejaculate fluids and laser beams. How cool is that? And what is the role of that bald guy in the levitating wheelchair, you say? Prolly just a handicapped customer lah. They satisfy all sorts.

Now, self-photography is a shameless skill that one has to catch through constant practice. I always take photos of myself when I'm really bored. This means that I have already exhausted all means of entertainment. From playing with electronic console games to playing with my soles to playing with myself. That is when I'll whip out my Sony Ericsson K750i and start snapping away Kodak moments to post on my gay personals.

And I daresay it requires a certain amount of skill to get a picture that gets you want you want on the personals site. Is it too melancholic? Do I look like LTR material? I look too feminine? Maybe it's the glasses? Or perhaps that slutty pout? Yah, I should strike a side pose right? Eeeeeee... Got love handles! A million and one factors to take into consideration when all you want to do is just post a fucking picture to attract the same sex.

I can reassure you. Most gay men who go on personals websites are looking for sex. It's one of those proven and tested things of life that you realize after being on the scene for several years. I mean, science has my back when I proclaim that men think of sex once every few minutes. I don't deny it (as in I don't deny that science has my backing; but then again, I don't deny the latter either).

Now, the key to getting sex online is definitely to show some flesh. Unless you're fucking handsome and cute, you prolly won't get a lot of responses. It's reciprocal. If you don't show any flesh, then of course you won't get any flesh also lah. It can be a peek of flesh. It can even be a piece of flesh. As Ulla from The Producers will tell you 'If you got it, shout it out loud!'.

This was actually a lesson I learnt recently only. I don't really go online that often when I'm in Brunei. Because the internet connection here is slow. Even to connect via dial-up is so tedious. So the only internet time I have here is when I go out to town. There's wireless broadband with POWER POINTS at several of the local cybercafes. And there's no pressure on how long you can hog onto their lines. You just have to keep ordering a constant stream of espresso and lattes and shit. So every internet user there is like hyped on caffeine.

2 weeks ago, I posted relatively conservative photos of myself in my uniform. And I received only 12 messages asking for MSN exchanges, sex and 'let's be friends'. 1 week ago, I posted a picture of myself shirtless flexing my pectorals and when I checked yesterday, I received 31 messages asking for sex and MSN exchanges.

Apparently nobody wants to be friends with a guy who flexes his muscles.
But who cares? I'm getting much more sex requests than usual. Now the only thing is to go back to Singapore and claim the prize. That's three months later. We'll talk about that when August arrives.

Point is this. The gay community is actually very 'materialistic'. And i daresay that it's all kinda due to genes. Men are naturally attracted by what the eyes see. If it's a feast for the eyes, why not dig in? It's tragic I know. Not everyone in our community looks like a cross between Thomas Rhys-Myers and Orlando Bloom. Some come across looking like the love child of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Queen Latifah. Somehow, the guy up there who made us/nature/genetics/the big banger is fair.

We are kinda given a fair amount of assets to begin with. So make full use of it.
Ok I'm getting bored. Pass me my camera.

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