after having spent 8 pretty long months here in brunei, i kinda dread going back to singapore. my recent home leave back to singapore was pretty much limited to a 10 day time constraint which felt more like 10 mins. no matter where i went, i had to have a plan. if even in the slightest event i went out of plan, i would start to skedaddle all over the place aimlessly, not knowing who and what and when or whom i was going to meet/do/screw/have a meal with next.

we've always been brought up in an environment where time is everything. my mom used to remind me to plan what i wanted to study for my exams. to always study beforehand. to always make sure that 'you plan your time'. which got really irritating after a while because all she ever went on was about time and its importance. being brought up in singapore makes you realize that everyone else seems much slower than you.

initially, i never thought of singapore as a really stressful place. that was until i experienced the bruneian way of life. the fact that it's a kampong town devoid of any forms of relatively updated technology that singapore has is one reason why it's so laidback and peaceful. back home, there's always channel 5 and tbeir primetime slots being filled with the latest drama serials, reality tv show and etc that i can't afford to tear myself away from.

and not forgetting the endless barrage of the wireless internet, newspapers, periodicals of every sort attacking you from every corner bookstore. i can't do without my newsweek. i can't do without my 8 days. and not forgetting all the glossy magazines i read every month. and of course the daily papers. i feel 'a little less clever' when i skipped the papers for the day. it's as if, the next episode in any current political struggle has a big gaping blank in it and i desperately need to find out whether the right-wing people are still alive, whether this country has been bombed again, whether the republicans have done something stupid again, whether there's another student killing himself over inadequate god-given equipment.

in fact, my friend in singapore msned me the other day regarding the body dysmorphic kid who committed suicide. i totally didn't know about such an interesting story until he told me. thing is, i could have read it from the papers, and i didn't cos i was too lazy to read the papers for that day. so when my mate in singapore brought up the topic, i felt kinda stupid for not knowing it. i pride myself on my general knowledge, so it was a tad humiliating for me. not that my friend cared, but my pride wouldn't let it go.

to add to the endless barrage, there's also bittorrent and youtube and whatever other p2p exchange software that you might use, but that just takes up more time. oh and not forgetting emails and friend-making web portal that you have to update and check once in a while so that people know that you are still alive. and what about your online shopping with ebay and etc.

so much so that we always seem to be hard-pressed for time to even do the basics like our daily ablusions or perhaps having breakfast even. sometimes, i'm in such a rush (for i dunno what) that i brush my teeth, and soap myself and take a crap together at the same time. that way, i only take 5 minutes for a bath rather than the 20 that i would so love to enjoy. of course, 50 if there's someone else taking a bath with me as well.

i realize that i have this really bad habit of buying novels and never completing them. thus i have one stack of books that i keep telling myself 'i'll KIV until i come back from brunei where i'll have more time to read'. which is actually bullshit lor. the only peaceful time i have to read in brunei is during my guard duty. i'll always go for the sentry position cos that when i'll be alone with no one to interrupt my reading at all. it's peace and quiet for me. the rest of the time is spent on watching DVDs, entire box sets of dramas, and playing games on my ps2.

actually, come to think of it, i do really little work in brunei.
this is seriously a case of overpaid and underworked. i kinda feel guilty about it, especially since i'm getting about $900 of the progress package as well.

maybe it's time we took a pause from life to sort things out. throw out the cluttered shit that we don't need. like my endless reading of suscribed periodicals. let it go. it ain't gonna matter if you don't read your uber-cheap suscription magazine for a week. DVD movies can always be watched later.

i'm thinking that it's time i start enjoying whatever time i have left in brunei. perhaps just take it as it comes. rather than taking the come before it even comes. where am i rushing to in the first place? ask yourself that.

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