in these end times of in-coming brimstone and hail, it's difficult to make your point across, especially to homophobic and inconvertible parents like mine. my parents are 'holier-than-thou' personified. in fact, they make the word itself seem like just some singed pieces of joss paper and ashes. everything they do, they do by the book, and the book here being the Holy Bible (King James Version, no less!). so of course, according to the bible, homosexuality is like up there with an entire list of DON'Ts like DON'T LITTER, DON'T MASTURBATE, DON'T SMOKE IN PUBLIC AREAS, DON'T CHA. it seems that living a holy life is not cut out for an uber-liberated person like me.

it all started with my dad who snooped around in my laptop while i was off swimming. very sneaky. and lo and behold he found my stash of not-so-well-hidden porn. it was basically sitting in the 'My Pictures' folder waiting like a budding cheena J.J. Lin look-alike musician, to be discovered. and the reason why i don't like him finding porn in my computer is not because of the embarassment or the punishment there after. it all boils down to the super long speech he will start preaching to me about. the father, lets loose an entire verbal barrage on AIDS and hell and burning and gnashing of teeth and an entire list of adjectives associated with hell and intolerable pain.
it's like going to church, except that it's not sunday. which makes it all the more so painful and tedious (i hate going to church).

after 6 years of being gay, i've practically stocked up enough anti-bodies to build a natural immunity against his load of bullscheizer. my father has this was of making me feel guilty about being gay. he'll say something like 'Can you think of us also? (us referring to the rest of my family) Think about how we'll be affected if you get AIDS (it'll be troublesome to send me to the nursing home, but other than that, shouldn't be an issue). Think about your auntie who signed the hospital bond together with me? How are we going to pay back if you get AIDS?'

i don't talk to them and that is one reason why this gay issue between the parents and me has still yet to be resolved. my dad still thinks that i'm his little holy Christian son with a mansionette built for Jesus in my heart. in actual fact, i've already leased the whole fucking place to Satan and his entire troop of chippendales. to me, religion is just a set of guidelines that we adopt for living. whether or not someone wants to adopt religion to live out his life by, that is solely his buisness.

is there yet a religion that truly and really works wonders? we could always bring on the same set of 'if God can blah blah blah, then why can't God blah blah blah; questions that all of us ponder upon day after day and still not find the answer:
- if God loves us all, then why are there still famines, pestilence, diseases and wars all over this crappy world?
- why can't God repeat the manna (sweetened bread, the closest pastry it tastes like is Kellogg's Frosties) trick like he did for Moses and his peeps in the wilderness? it's just sprinkling sprinkling some cornflakes from his box of everlasting Frosties!
- if God sees and knows everything, then why didn't he stop major world catastrophies from happening in the first place?
- if God can see everything, then can he watch me wank? i'm a voyeur and i like the idea of a higher power watching me going about my daily ablusions

these are all just rantings of a really disgruntled son lah.
disgruntled that he has a personal responsibility to turn straight. i'm happy being gay and in fact, i don't think i can ever turn straight again (after a stint of become straight for just 4 hours). it's just too... for the lack of a better word, Straight. i mean, if it's about continuing the family line, there's always my rather good-looking brother. he has pretty good genes, physical-wise. and judging from pant size, i daresay my entire family should be pretty well-endowed.

if it's about money-wise, i seriously don't intend to drag anybody down with my financially. i have back-up cash in my banks. enough to survive for a while if i contract AIDS. enough to pay back my bond if i contract AIDS. enough to stay away from the family if i contract AIDS. yah, my dad is terrified of AIDS. not the disease of course. but the stigma of having a son who contracted AIDS through anal intercourse. no worries, i won't drag my family down.

so what in the world is the flooking problem with being gay?
going by the old teenage adage (which can also be applied to anal intercourse and the usage of earbuds) 'How can it be wrong if it feels so right?'

sigh. parents.

---