i can't remember the exact first time that i heard this phrase actually. but i seem to have this vague recollection that it was from one episode of FACT OR FICTION. remember that psuedo-scary series where they present to you a collection of short stories and at the end of the show, reveal which of them are fact and which are fiction. why do i say psuedo-scary? because each time they reveal a story to be sorta true, they'll say something like:

'The story where the woman with nostril hair that connects to the armpit. It is not fiction. a newspaper from Ulan Bator back in the 1970s reported a native of the islands to have such a curse imposed on her'

and after you realize that the particular story is true, you'll start getting paranoid. every corner you'll look behind you to see whether there's strands of hair following you. a single strand of long hair draped over your shoulder causes you to go into palpitations. and when you do actually see a glimpse of this foul nasal-armpit haired beast, the general reaction would be to vomit the contents of yesterday's breakfast till today's dinner.

but back to the point. the phrase in mind is actually this:
"bad things always come in threes"

which when you come to think of it actually makes a really kinky scenario cos (in my best pimpin' accent) i want some lovin' and i want it really NAAAAAASTEEEEE. but the point is, the idea of three things happening together in a row is actually quite sad. i've always had the image of a mysterious Lady Misfortune working her mysterious formula into the lives of the human race. Like the Discworld series' Lady Luck, i'm guessing that Lady Misfortune is her cousin twice removed (or something like that). she has this bad habit of screwing up people's lives accidentally by mixing up the variables in her 'bad things happen in threes' formula which actually goes something like this:

x (random degree of misfortune) + x (random degree of misfortune) + x (random degree of misfortune) = bad things happen in threes

i have no idea what a formula like that means (i'm trained in nursing, not mathematics). and i daresay that Lady Misfortune also does not know a plus from a minus sign. in fact, i bet she prolly screwed it up big time applying really big random variables.

of course, some very happy-go-lucky 'car-can't-bang-me-down' person also had bad things happening to him and decided to coin the phrase, 'after three bad things, there's also three good things'. if you ask me, he prolly just took the first three things that happened to him (eg. i got a seat in the MRT, i found 10 cents on the floor, i kissed my boss' ass and he asked me to finger it instead) and considering the fact that since the 'misfortune' variant is random, the same can be applied for the 'fortune' formula that was currently processing in his little happy-go-lucky mind. and thus, viola!!! you've got your randomly pieced together misfortune/fortune formula.

all that coming from a happy motherfucker. and which is why the misfortune/fortune formula is known today as

'the happy motherfucker's rule of three'

obviously, i wouldn't be writing this unless i've got bad shit happening to me all this while right? so what were the series of unfortunate events that happened?


bad thing #1: my ipod lost all res-PORN-se
i store all my gay porn in my ipod apparently.
because nobody would ever think of looking at the ipod as an external hard disc drive. i mean, it makes a really good mp3 player. and it make really good entertainment for your video. but gimme a plain ol' computer and a USB port and i can wank anytime, anywhere. but of course, there are irritating things about that as well. everytime you connect your ipod, it immediately starts up itunes and uploads everything new and basically you have to wait for nearly a minute before you can start watching your porn videos. by then, i could have already orgasmed 5 times in a row.

all my life savings of gay porn are apparently stored in one external source only. all 20GB of gay porn in pictures, videos and clips. and a very good saying comes to mind: 'NEVER STORE ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET'. which i never really paid attention to until i accidentally wiped out everything when i reformatted my ipod back to the factory settings. and basically there went 4 years of porn harvested from various sources (eg. Limewire, porn sites, irc trades). shitty banana.

now, i just turn off the computer screen and wank off to my reflection innit.


bad thing #2: my ipod headphones are partially deaf
once more, i'm too reliant on my ipod. when i go for my daily jog, i definitely need my ipod and my headphones. otherwise i get really cranky and focus on my breathing when i jog and i wouldn't be able to last that long. so imagine my dismay when i was jogging when one side of my headphones had no sound coming out of it. so throughout my morning jog, i was like adjusting and adjusting and adjusting the wires, playing around with it and trying to straighten the entire thing. in fact, so engrossed i was with untangling the wires that i just tripped over a bump in the ground, lost my balance and fell flat. which was really embarassing. given the fact that there were several other people jogging in the vincinity as well.

so i not only lost my porn now. i've also lost my headphones. and also my dignity when it comes to jogging. what next then?


bad thing #3: my ipod grew a vagina
i think in our modern life of light-weight and wireless gadgets, there are several things that all of us (or at least I) cannot leave home without. the top of my list being my mobile because that's simply where i get a kick out of taking snapshots of people's thunder thighs at the supermarket (and i think thighs are seriously a flaw in God's creation of women; either have perfect thighs or be a man). the next in line would have to be my ipod video.

it's packed with entertainment and also a gem of a designer product. so much so that amongst all my gadgets, my ipod ranks on top in terms of beloved-ness. but you know, as much as i love my ipod, i'm pretty rough when i'm handling it. i drop it at least once a fortnight or something like that. you would think that the pores on my fingers exude lube permanently or something.

as usual, i dropped my ipod again. and thinking that nothing happened to it, it picked it up, gave it a good dusting and carried on with life. it wasn't until i wanted to transfer some songs over that i saw an ugly crack staring straight back at me. the entire screen had this rude angry crack running down the right side of it. and there was this liquid flowing freely from the crack.

that was when i realized that my ipod had grown a vagina. a big ugly vagina that doesn't look aestetically pleasing at all. i was so sad. i just came back from home leave lor. like at least if i had to drop it, then do it when i'm about to go back home where there are 4 Applecentres in Singapore. not when there's only one miserable one in the whole of Brunei itself. sigh. now that means many musicless weeks to come.


so basically what does all this mean?
i've dropped my ipod, damanged it, changed its sex. frankly speaking, it looks utterly like shit now. the only thing i think left to do is basically to send it for repairs at the nearest available ipod centre. thank goodness there's one apple centre in Brunei itself and also the fact that the warrenty is still valid. though how i'm gonna prove that i have warrent for it is a big query still.
but like the happy motherfucker deep down inside of me, i'm pretty sure that there are really good things coming my way soon. i dunno what seriously, but i can feel it, like an orgasm caused by wanking to myself on the blank computer screen.

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