i'm an optimist when it comes to post breaking-up friendships. i'm of the belief that one can still be friends/sexbuddies/fuck-mates/co-workers with your ex-lover despite the fact that the both of you were once people who made love to each other (NB: now you just fuck), whispered sweet nothings (when you break-up, you realize that they are really nothing) into each other's ears and were actually people who loved each other so deeply that it hurt real bad.

of course, i don't stake the claim to having plenty of experience when it comes to the topic of love and relationships. sex, yes. but love? oh love, oh love... don't i just cringe at the sound of love. eeeeeeyurrrrr. i have seen my fair share of people breaking up and getting back together, and breaking up and getting back together AGAIN. it's as if they patch back for the sake of breaking up so that they can patch back together again. why do these stupid muthafuckas do such silly things?

take my colleague back in Brunei for example. he broke up with the girlfriend because she couldn't withstand the ultimate test of a long-distance relationship. alas, Brunei hasn't had the luxury of a cheap and effective communications infrastructure yet, thus redenring calls back to Singapore to be pretty much of a hassle. when it comes to making overseas calls, i've always had the image of a tudung macik working as a call centre operator. and it's that type of call centre with those ol skool systems where you jack one end of the wire to another in order to transfer a call from Brunei to San Francisco and she would tell San Francisco to 'skejap sikit eh' (though who the fuck from San Fran would want to call someone in Brunei, i have no idea lor). i actually wouldn't be surprised to find out that such technology still exists in dreary ol' Brunei.

but back to my friend. so when he came back to Singapore, he chanced upon his girlfriend with a trannie while he was driving his rented car in Ang Mo Kio. and when you've got a seestah on your girlfriend's side, it's certainly no match for a straight guy. my mate was intimidated by the trannie, but he stood his ground and talked to the ex. and as that saying goes, 'love conquers all' (and initimidating trannies included). they made up for the 5th time in their relationship, and up till now (the whole thing happened 1.5 months ago) they have been going out for 4 years already.

now, why i bring up this topic on exes today is simply because i just had dinner with my ex. my ex of three years with whom i broke up because of infidelity. as in i was cheating on my boyfriend. i could not live with having sex with one guy for the rest of my love life. it's like being in a buffet and all you can take are the halal steamed chicken breast. my malay bf was a really good guy lah. he was steady, kind and really really really loved me. he was pretty much like a lamp post, stoic and resilient and nothing much could knock him down. but you know, eating halal steamed chicken breast everyday makes you crave for an international cuisine.

so i went behind his back and i put on a condom and we had really great anal sex, made up and sealed our love forever. yah.... if only that were the case of Jon the faithful spouse. i went behind his back and i screwed 10 other guys while he wasn't looking and up to this day, i feel kinda bad about it actually. many times i lied to him that i was at venue A dining with B, C or D, when i was actually at venue F doing U, C and K. when i actually came clean to him about it, he was disappointed and he put up with my infidelity for a while. but we finally broke up when we couldn't reconcile our differences. which was a good thing. i've been a free bird ever since.

with my philosophy on being friends after breaking-up in mind, i thought that having dinner with my ex would just be a simple affair of grabbing something good to eat, having a coffee, making good conversation and hoping that since i was back in Singapore for a short holiday, he would be paying for everything. most of my mates paid for most of my meals in sg so far, so i was kinda 50-50 expecting him to pay somewhat also. but alas, my ex didn't. we went dutch. and if the french, japanese and americans were available too, he would have went that fucking direction. ok, but that was a tad too calculative.

well dinner was really good and peppered with me asking all the questions. i could see that my ex was squirming in his seat for some reason. i was hoping it was a case of indigestion. but it was more like he was uncomfortable talking to me. and do note that it was him who wanted to meet up with me, not vice-versa hor! i wasn't really keen to meet up with my ex because the last time we met, we had dinner and later on checked into the hotel 81 at Bencoolen for what i presumed was really good break-up sex. he was nearly crying when he orgasmed. too much passion and feelings poured into sex. it turned out to be the worst kind of sex one could ever have.

after dinner we decided to walk around a bit and then head for some coffee.
bad idea. because by then, he zoned out already. it's like he had totally shut down and become this isolated thing. isolating me and all those precious memories he had of us together. i could feel that he was somewhat on the verge of tears. and if there's one thign that i'm terrified of, it's people crying. nothing can stop cryers from crying, short of a miracle. you can fucking stuff tissues in their tear ducts, give them smelling salts and whack them with a golf club and they will still be tearing like shit. solutions normally include things like bringing back the dead, patching back together and sex.

we took the train home together. he was actually on the verge of tears already. he asked me to guess what he was thinking, i told him 'it's been a really good dinner so far, so let's not ruin the evening shall we?'. he was tearing already and from the dark silhouetted reflections of the MRT window, i could see him secretly trying to wipe away tears by rubbing the bridge of his nose. what could i do but pretend to wallow in my ignorance. indeed, ignorance was bliss as we took the MRT back home. 3 stops only, but it felt more like 20.

so what is the bloody moral of this story?
as much as i would like to break up with my ex on amicable terms, it's sometimes the most difficult thing to do for the other party. if the ex doesn't want to, you can't really force them, right? i've heard of so many cases of people who settled on amicable terms and ending up with a backlash like months or sometimes even years later. sometimes i guess, the best thing is to totally sever all connections.

but like i alwayws say, it takes two hands to clap, one hand to slap, and no hands to crap.

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