(blogger's note: i redwrote certain parts of this post because it's kinda boring and shit. do note that i wrote the original version at 4am in the middle of the night after an exhausting 2 hours of sentry duty, and anyways, at this point of time, there have been developments in the story so far, but i'll leave that for the next post)

It's a proven and tested fact in the world of LOVE that you tend to find romance and sex in the strangest of places. Some people find it in book clubs, some find it in gyms, toilets, or even gym toilets, while others find it in a fetish for certain orifices of the body. We all have our own way of looking for love, I'm sure. Like take me for example, I tend to look for love at country clubs and golf courses in the hope that a rich uncle will take me home and shower me with exorbitant gifts for the rest of my life. I would prolly be taking champagne baths and not be able to tell the champagne apart from the urine when I pee in the bathtub.

So today's post will be about my gay colleague and how he came to find love in Brunei. How he came to realize that worrying is most of the time actually for naught. And that you can find love anywhere, even in a conservative country like Brunei. YES! Brunei! I said Brunei!!! And of course, upon his return to Singapore, what the future of a long-distance relationship holds for him. Why the future? Because his tour in Brunei is ending in about two to three weeks time. And I kinda wish that he would get over it and not be so yellow-mellow about it. It's a long-distance relationship for god's sake. Not an arranged marriage. and according to most stories, long-distance relationships almost never ever end well. pessimist. yeap. but realist upon closer inspection.

Well, so IT all started through IRC. My colleague chanced upon a charming malay guy through a chatroom. They chatted, exchanged MSN addresses and fell in love online. And so followed three years of extensive correspondence through personals websites, MSN, more IRC and SMSes. Yeap. They exchanged contact numbers despite the fact that one is in Singapore and the other was in Malaysia. Not that they called each other or anything like that. Still, my colleague was very devasteated when he had his mobile stolen (NB: he's thankful that there were no Tammy-ish videos in it, and on a side note, Tammy's boyfriend has a big dick, if you haven't seen one before, that's big for a chinese guy) and thus many contact numbers were lost, including his pen-pal. in fact, that was the first thing that came to my colleague's mind.

And to add to the already brewing storm, this pen-pal of his is really irritating in that he takes eons to reply to a simple email or message on the MSN. This is actually why their correspondence could stretch to a very long three years. What with slow SMS replies, slow MSN responses, short and irregular emails, etc. The only word that comes to mind is IRRITATING.

And it's at this point that I must say that pen-paling, as fun and as sweet as it is, can be awfully short-lived sometimes. Most people can't sustain written or typed conversations beyond the typical questions about school and work and general shit about your family. This is why I am so open whenever i correspond with anyone online. if i were to be reborn as a media article, i would prolly be a tabloid newspaper. But really, there's already the barrier of not being able to see each other face-to-face, the right thing to do is to add a personal touch by being open about some things, but not everything. Don't be like me, reveal everything, then there's no sense of mystery left behind to spice things up. it's all about balance.

I mean, it's uber-irritating when people just give short replies to general questions. General questions are asked because they are general and YOU, who have been asked the question, have the freedom (and the courtesy) to come up with a broad, extensive and at the very least, interesting answer.

Like take for example, a positive and negative demonstration of proper pen-palling correspondence:


NEGATIVE DEMONSTRATION

Q: So, what do you do for a living?

A: I teach lor.

Q: Oh, that's really noble! What sort of kids do you teach then?

A: Secondary school.

Q: Teenagers eh? Must be quite a handful.

A: Yah.

Q: What do you teach in school?

A: English and PE.

Q: English? Well, what with your almost 5 words or less answers, I am beginning to suspect that you need an English teacher before you can even attempt to teach the language.

A: Really ah?

(NB: that is fucked up MSN-ing. Seriously, I block people whom I have to ask at least 5 general questions to continue the conversation. But then again, I'm equally guilty of this 75% of the time with people I know, because I hate MSN and I want to concentrate on blogging/downloading porn anyways)


POSITIVE DEMONSTRATION

Q: So, what do you do for a living?

A: Well, I'm in the education industry. I teach secondary school kids in some elite school lying in the western part of Singapore.

Q: Wow. Sounds like my alma mater. The Boys in White right?

A: Yeap. You could put it that way. Rich Kids. Spoilt Brats. But mainly an inteligent bunch. Love em all the same.

Q: I was from there many years back. That was a long long time ago. and it was such a different place compared to now. I mean, the people back then were really blah blah blah blah blah....


so you see, it's not exactly rocket or fertility science to try and talk a little bit more and be more open about oneself. it's a two-way thing. you open up and others will open up to you eventually too.

ok, enough of preaching to the masses. let's get on with the story. so both of them have still been corresponding over the various means available. the pen-pal was serving the army. my colleague was with some other uniformed force. it wasn't until when my colleague came to Brunei and started work here, that he discovered the pen-pal was actually Bruneian also (at that point of time, the pen-pal was stuck in Malaysia doing some sort of army training). yah i know, it sounds like a typical drama right? the whole story is so cliche to the point that you could substitute my colleague and the pen-pal for Bae Yong Jun or Lee Young Aae and the only difference would be the kim chi.

i know the story actually got a bit jumbled up in the process. so i'll actually break it down into a simpler digestive biscuit format. easier for you to understand and grasp hold off. before my colleague came over brunei, he thought that the pen-pal was a soldier with the malaysian armed forces when in actual fact he was with the bruneian armed forces. after he started work in brunei, emails led each other to realize that they were both in Brunei working at the same time. one as a medic. the other a teacher. and it wasn't until my colleague was sending a patient to hospital, a chance meeting on the road led the penpal to check his email for my colleague's contacts. and so they've telephoned each other, talked late nights and went out several times actually.

the pen-pal never mentioned that he was a Bruneian before. but he had quit the army back then, and now served Brunei in the education industry. he teaches secondary school kids. he was originally with the army. but had quit because of the lack of job satisfaction. we've actually went out before, the pen-pal, colleague and me. he's actually very good-looking for a Bruneiean. thick eyebrows. nice smile. no wonder all the students are falling for him. it's pretty obvious he's gay. which is why they ought to teach teenager girls how to seperate the gay from the straight in Brunei.

alas, they're romance was kinda short-lived. my colleague's gonna end his tour at the end of this month. meaning that they have to bring their relationship to another level - LONG-DISTANCE DATING. which i'm never a strong supporter of. because i'm a believer of 'out of sight, out of mind' rather than 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. if i don't see someone regularly, i will feel like a stranger with him. if we were to meet again in a few months time, we might need a bit of an ice-breaker or a blowjob or some fine wine to get us back to the lovey-dovey state we were in once more. and you're need an ice-pick to break the ice, a corkscrew for some fine wine, and perhaps some cock and a blowjob leading to a screw. i dunno.

and the thing to always consider is this (and it's especially poignant if you're gay): WILL HE CHEAT ON ME? once again, my pessimistic self rears its ugly head all over the place. for the straight, it's a 70-30 chance that they won't cheat on you. so thank your genetics that you prefer what you're supposed to prefer. as for the homos, it's a bit different. did your loved one turn gay because of sex? your loved one is gay because he likes the lifestyle? what is his motive behind turning gay?

i'm having my doubts about this penpal of my colleague. they've been in love for two months or so only, and the first incident of suspicions have already started to reel in. for several days already, the calls have been coming in irregularly. they used to SMS and talk everynight. but now, it's not that frequent anymore. what's happening, you say? and apparently, this guy claims that he's a virgin despite been a whopping 27 years and being closeted for 7 years coming. he's fucking handsome. he has a good body. if you ask me, there is definitely something wrong behind this whole facade of a dashing young gay man. as always, i'm one for the realist and the pessimist.

so what's the moral of the story, i say?
it's simply this. love needs constant closeness. it needs two people to be TOGETHER for it to happen. long email discussions can only take you so far. MSN and emoticons can also bring you a certain distance. but it's touch, sex and love that will bring a couple together.

now if only someone would see this and publish my comments in a country club newsletter so that i can marry rich. platinum cards only. ang mos most welcome.

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