being the curious little prick that i am, i know that many of my questions of life will remained unanswered until i arrive at the gates of heaven (higher chances to be at the gates of hell, though). you could wiki the entire 'pedia, go through the latest edition of Microsoft Encarta (the last time i used it was 1998), ask Singapore's Brainiest Taxi Driver, or perhaps even pray very hard to God, but the answers you want will occur as often as a pay increment in the local nurses' payroll. and how often do you read about upping the salary of the people who take care of your sick loved ones? the payroll is relative to the quality of health care in the country. so grab your word editors and start writing those letters to the ST Forum.

but like i said, i have questions and i need some answers. and some of the really hard ones are those like 'is penis size almost always related to the size of your nose?' or 'is penis size almost always related to people with big feet?' or my personal demon that has been haunting me for ages to come: 'penis size relative to bladder volume'. this question is derived from years of palpating the bladders of my patients. the bladder is just slightly above the penis (duh?) and below the abs. it seems like the bigger the bladder, the bigger the 'adder'. of course you could go below the abs, further below the bladder and right down to the drawers and just find out the answers for yourself.

that's the hardcore and dirty questions that i don't tell anyone else other than blog readers. but the ones that i DO tell to the general public, would be the boring ones like 'where do babies come from?' and 'where is Ontario?' and 'what is Ontario in the first place?'. once again, everybody wants local context, and the perfect example being the Urine Detecting Device signs you always see at the old 1-6-11-14 elevators in HDB apartments.

for all of you atas people who haven't lived in a HDB apartment before or had the bad fortune of walking into a HDB estate by accident and start thinking you're in the slums of chua chu kang, 1-6-11-14 is derived from the only lift-landings that the elevator stops at. so if you stay at the 3rd storey, you could climb two flights of stairs or take the lift and then descend three instead. either way, it kinda sucks.

and speaking of all things that suck, my estate's elevators apparently hold very special memories for me. i had an ex-boyfriend who used to send me home after drama practice during the polytechnic days (he was the sounds and lighting guy). the arts apparently made us very horny by nature. so the elevator was THE place for quickies. getting from 1 to 14 takes nearly a minute. let's just say that we went from 1 to 14 to 1 about 3-4 times for each quickie. and it doesn't help that the ex-boyfriend's dong-dong was quite a stretch, which basically translates into more distance to achieve and thus resulting in more 1 to 14 to 1's.

which brings me to my burning unanswered question: whether the Urine Detecting Device is really a functioning thing or not? or maybe just there for deterrent purposes. can you imagine if there really was a security camera inside recording down my every orgasmic moment in the elevator? and the security guards are having a laugh somewhere within the Cisco headquarters ('wah, today he slower than usual ah, must be the dry run!!!'). if you ask me, the UDD setup isn't really working. you find plenty of bodily fluids (i'm a big contributor) in the lifts all the time. so much so that i'm used to it. and sometimes, you even hear people singing in the lift. you can hear stomping noises in the lifts. i think i once hear someone moan in the lift even. is all this recorded down? if it is, then wah... pai seh leh!

but still, one ought to count their blessings. at least the people at my block are still considerate enough to leave some standing and coming space that isn't contaminated with spit, pee or semen. it's always enough for me to do the 1-14-1s and contribute to the mess.

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