jon's blog

Saturday, August 11, 2007

project 355: because he's fucking bored...

on saturdays, the typical macho mary goes for a morning/afternoon of Dragon Boating or a session at California fitness, some dinner in the evening, get wasted at the club during the night and finds himself awake the next morning in any other bed but his.

on saturdays, the average Singapore couple have a session of warm, raunchy, afternoon sex. they take a bath, they head down to town, they cuddle and make out in the trains to the extreme disgust of Singaporeans (even to the deviant and extremely liberal me), they have dinner, watch a movie, the guy sends the girl home, they make out in the lift once more, decide to have sex at the stairs and then the guy goes home (NB: they do the same thing the next weekend).

on saturdays, the run of the mill family brings the kids out to the local swimming pool. they splash around in the water, decide to leave when the kids get all pruny and out of control, they take the kids out for dinner at McDonald's, quickly bringing them back to put them to sleep. the parents ensure that everything is set and they begin their weekly ritual of unintended pro-creation. that is until the kid

on this particular saturday, this exasperated Singaporean who has gone on one too many dates with the standard formula of dinner + movies = sex decides to not head out. instead, he does what he does best: he writes. armed with a fresh pack of cigarettes and an extra laptop battery, he makes his way down to the nearest Starbucks in the heartlands. a venti iced caramel macchiato and a stick of Dunhill reds, he parks his ass at the smoking area and begins to rant...

Singapore is on hell of a boring place, isn't it?

despite the fact that we are a rather densely packed island with every single space filled with an eatery, a family-targeted mall, the next happening club, country club, (insert random photocopied tourist attraction), we are still a fucking boring country lah. food, movies, coffee, and the occasional clubbing aside, what else can you do in Singapore on a saturday or any other day for that matter?

okay give and take, we have very unique concepts of local attractions and past-times. take the Night Safari for example which i last visited back in ehrm.... 1990-something, i think. i didn't bother visiting it again for two reasons. it was bloody dark and all i mainly saw were silhouettes of animal and the occasional bat flittering about in the dark. and just one or two random bats, not like those that always fly out when the Batmobile enters the Batcave (new pick-up line people!). the other reason is mainly associated with the fact that even if they did import a few new animals into tropical ol' Singapore, it's still going to be more silhouettes and darkish looking creatures. hopefully a few more bats though, if the Batmobile ever decides to penetrate the inky darkness of the Batcave again.

but being part of the locals, one tends to know what tourist attractions to see and what to avoid. admittedly, i have never visited the Botanical Gardens before. yeah yeah, i have passed by regal gates of Singapore's most extensive mix of tropical flora and fauna many times in my life before. but you don't really need to be in town to see a clusterfuck of flowers and leafs together. in fact, pay a visit to your nearest heartland and walk down a random corridor of HDB apartments to find a jungle of bougainvilleas, orchids, bonsai, chilli plants, pandan plants, etc. it's almost a jungle out there. oooh... Tarzan.

we lack proper theme parks, the local clubbing scene is a tad on the overrated (not forgetting to mention over-priced) side, taxi fare is never cheap, petrol is bloody expensive and the locals are not exactly comparable to Playboy bunnies. which is perhaps why someone invented the concept of Makansutra and a whole other barrage of foodie guides in the ever-changing culinary scene of Singapore. food is apparently what makes Singaporeans go round, physically round, that is. our locals you see, are always on the search for the best in everything. it not exactly cost-effective to look for the 'Condominium with the best view of the Central Business District' or 'BMW with the Best Horsepower' or a hot favorite this one: 'Best Package Deal at the next upcoming computer/holiday/health-products/sex fair' (we've only had two sexpos in all 42 years of Singapore history). so what better area to source than the abundant availability of foods in Singapore?

the parents actually have a few church family friends who keep a handy copy of the Makansutra in their glove compartments. every sunday after church, these family friends make it a point to head down to a selected food outlet on the Makansutra to do a foodie test. does (insert famous food outlet) really serve the best (insert famous food outlet's speciality)? we're really just missing out the camera crew with close-ups on their lips, smacking away at dribbling bits of gravy and chilli.

eat, sleep, go out to town, shop a li'll bit, fuck a li'll bit more. that's what the typical Singaporean does. and you want to know what's the killer bit? you can do all of the above-mentioned in our neighboring state of Johor or even Batam.

at half the price (ie. currency rate).

well as the old Hokkien army saying goes:
ai pi, ai qi, ai tua liap ni.
(want cheap, want good, want very big boobs)
cost it seems, trumps everything else in Uniquely Boring Singapore.

posted at 9:12 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

12 Comments:

well i'm bored too.

sitting playing warcraft on da comp.

and thinking about work tmr.

brachy
By Anonymous, at 3:29 pm

Hmm...
i don't think so, you must look out of your mind than you'll not find s'pore is bored lor.

compare to other places and country s'pore still a good place to stay, but other than that maybe bored lor.

you can plan to go oversea if you feel bored but as i've mention Nice place to stay.

Hope you are better now.
NUH.
By Anonymous, at 6:29 pm

Hi Jon. I have been in brisbane for one month now and ur blog has been great entertainment for me. let me tell u wat it is like here..
The shops here closes at 5pm, so if u wan coffee at nite, its 3-in-1 coffee mix. If u wan to club, tt r limited decent clubs to go to, and if u get picked up, its all OLD DIRTY ANGMOHS. I haven got laid the past one month, and any longer i will probably forget how to fuck.
And lets not go to the food part here, trust me, Singapore is not tt bad after all..
By Anonymous, at 8:11 pm

yes. in adelaide, the shop opens at 11am and closes at 5pm. the place is damn dark and quiet at night. no exciting activity unless you have sex with bf. no bf, even damn bored. moreover, you munch muffin everyday!!

anyway it all depends how you define boredom afterall, and SG may not be the worsT place to stay.
By asianthirst, at 1:52 am

same here.

I ran out of things to do in sg. :/

booooooreeeedddddd
By Veeen, at 11:34 am

Muahahaha. Love that army camp saying. But anyway, poor guy, you must be utterly bored... why don't you on on short weekend trips occasionally? Malaysia would certainly welcome a hot male nurse :)
By savante, at 6:35 pm

Well Spanky, you could always come and live in the UK. We are gagging for qualified nurses here, so much so we are poaching them from the Phillipines and Africa for the NHS. Your eye candy value alone would make our poor patients feel purkey. Talking of which, more hot pictures of you looking mean, moody and shirtless please.

Cheers from Simon
By Anonymous, at 11:39 pm

Ok, I don't know how to spell perky.
By Anonymous, at 11:40 pm

I don't agree with you that Snigapore is a dull place to be. Certainly beats Brunei! :)

Plus, you're here. I am sure others agree it would be exciting to casually bump into you, in say, the toilet? : )

Ryan
By Anonymous, at 2:44 pm

Ok my turn to rant... this is my theory: gay bois in boring city states, e.g. SG & HK turn to california fitness and sex to pass the time of day... its the only challenge on offer there and only way to get their hearts (& dicks)pumping...

bois from city states transplanted to the country or to 'quiet' brisbane or adelaide don't know how to make their own entertainment. back home they have venues to go to: i.e. entertainment fed to them. in their new local they have to learn to do what the local bois do: invite friends around, make a party happen, bbq on the beach, great outdoors, camping, boating, & all those things that sg & HK cannot offer...

for those city bois transplanted to 'quiet' locals join a gay activity/community group & meet people that way. these groups don't exist where your from so make use of them...you may make fulfilling, rewarding & lifetime relationships instead of the cheap anonymous sex in sleazy saunas and meat markets that SG & HK only have to offer
By zackxx, at 6:19 pm

I beg to differ ...

In the past I used to think like that - becoz I had too easy access to all these boring Singaporean things and thus take them for granted (I am sure I am not the only one who complains ... Singapore so boring ...)

Having worked overseas, I start to realise how much I miss the things we all take for granted ...

1. Late night shopping in Orchard (wait till u haf no shopping in anywhere)
2. Tons of late nite chill out places and kopi shops to hang out with frens (who can arrive at the destination in an hr's time max)
3. Good frens and family around
4. Clubs (may be over-rated but still better than many places which lacks them)

I think we should start to compare less .. haha ... see I am stuck in Vietnam ... Singapore is SO.... much better ...
By Anonymous, at 3:56 pm

brachy: wah. WOW. i used to play that. but then i got bored of it and decided to stray with my Xbox360.

NUH: overseas. good idea. but $$$. SNs don't earn a lot you know.

lou: okay lah. i can't compare brissy to singapore. but you guys have your methods of coping there what. late night aussie tv? i vividly remember one great place a little furthur from Unilodge that sells great kebabs at $6 a pop. mmmmm...

asianthirst: you know what they say about Aussies: quite a bunch of laid-back people. but that's why people go there right? to join their laid-back culture.

veeen: don't know what you've got till it's gone, that's what they say.

savante: yeah. malaysia boleh!

simon: well our country could do with a few more pinoys and ethiopians as well. if you get bored with them, please send them over to purke/perk up our local scene.

ryan: i try and make toilets a fast and quick affair. my cruising days in the toilet are well... in hibernation now. when the occasion arises, my friend...

zackxx: it would be really nice to have some meaning to being gay than just fucking around and being really hot and popular. maybe being gay in some foreign country would make life more fun than being gay here. which prolly explains the boredom i experience in singapore. no meaning lah.

jeffrey: oooh... vietnam. gotta love that place. it's quiet and very tranquil.
By the nurse, at 7:02 pm