jon's blog

Sunday, August 05, 2007

project 355: church linguistics and bulletins

one of the saving graces of making the arduous trip to church on Sundays would be the church bulletin. xeroxed on plain A4 paper using a photocopying machine, the weekly bulletin is usually arranged neatly and folded into halves by whatever fellowship group is free to do on Saturdays. Saturday, being the day when the various groups from the English and Mandarin congregation would gather together for fellowship. indeed, it's a labor of love and people get to bond over the folding of these bulletins.

i remember when i used to be part of the local Youth Group, i rather enjoyed these folding sessions. there would be dinner, some sweetened drink made out of concentrate, and plenty of talk about video games, school and whatever whatnots that kids talked about back then. by reading the next day's bulletin before the rest of the crowd does, one is armed with information about the congregation. deaths, funerals, wakes, births, events, etc. all that is happening in church, all that is happening to the people in church, there's no better place to look for it other than the church bulletin itself. there will be the occasional bit of exhortation about hellfire and brimstone, but it's all generally tame stuff about being a better Christian and serving the good Lord. today's issue of the bulletin however borders on blatant censorship.

the church has a firm stand on what they label as 'charismatic songs'. Hillsongs, Jars of Clay, anything with a more sentimental tune or an upbeat tempo; all of them considered by the senior pastor in the church to be stuff that a proper Christian should avoid listening. it seems to be the viewpoint of the minority though, judging from the zealousness the congregation put in while singing the more sentimental songs. then again, they are not called 'sentimental' for nothing, aren't they? well, hymns tend to get stale very fast. after all, how exciting can an entire song made out of chords and chords and even more chords be? plus the language of the hymns are of Ye Olde Englande, i have an inkling that most of the congregation have not the faintest idea what they are singing. now, the big guy in the church wants every single song to undergo his strict scrutiny before it can be approved. can somebody smell the scent of Big Brother in the air?

but i'm sure that there's due reason for the church leaders to be worried and all. after all, for the first time in the tranquil setting of the family church, the peace has been shattered by a (few?) vandal(s). today's bulletin has a full page dedicated to an act of vandalism in the resource room. i have no idea what happened, or what was destroyed or even if an act of sacrilege was committed. but this i can be sure of: the board of elders are out to get the SOaB who did this sacrilegious act in the house of God. and the culprit is definitely one of the youth group members. 4:30pm to 7pm on Saturdays is the time that the youth group meets for fellowship. perhaps an accident that happened over the folding of the bulletins?

fed up with all the hardcore seriousness in the bulletin, i decided to excuse myself from the even more hardcore sermon. i found myself headed outside the church and having some alone time with my contraband stick of Marlboro. and guess what i found along the way back into the church?

the aftermath of the renovations. it's just sounds really wrong. context perhaps?

posted at 2:14 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

11 Comments:

Bet He does come quickly :P Hope you don't though.
By savante, at 7:24 pm

I used to go to Calvary Jurong way back. Until I figured out I really, really liked men.

Then I stopped going because everywhere I turned I saw hate and how badly it spewed everywhere.

So I've got to say I admire your courage in even putting your face pic out here and all.

When I was faced with coming to terms with myself, I decided to shy away and save my family and myself from the ugly situations and just stopped going altogether.
By Rush, at 8:10 pm

Coming quickly is not good man.
By JY, at 8:12 pm

oh man that's just... wrong.

and it's just as wrong that I snort-laughed when I first saw it. :(
By Anonymous, at 8:42 pm

Hill song? oh...then i am on the other extreme. Once I went to a BP church to attend one of my friends' baptism svc. I told one of the 'brothers' that I came from one of the big 'charismatic' churches which supports hillsong, and he give me a long sermon on the spot! I burst into laughter in my heart, but give an embarrassing grin back to him. But anyway I like the choir in the BP church, with some handsome guys and also beautiful voices of sisters.

What kind of vandalism is that? don't tell me is the 'f' word!

What is the joke behind the wordings of 'Jesus coming back' on the wall'? Would you enlighten me? Anyway I like the time when He comes back...we be like angels...no more marriage, no more sexuality...=) =)...no more hatred and homophobia from str8 people =P
By asianthirst, at 10:26 pm

Jon, you bloody funny ! I cant 'tahan' you !

I am curious if the Beijinger screams the same as Him, in Mandarin....

Junior Taste
By Anonymous, at 11:51 pm

Well, I generally do enjoy your posts but not your making fun of that statement. You do know HIM after all.
By Anonymous, at 12:23 am

what does the chinese version says?
wor hen kwai lai?
that would be soooo farnie...
By daniel henry, at 2:14 am

That is why you should do your "Kegel exercises"!

;-)
By Anonymous, at 10:27 am

hi jon, i begin to understand the joke behind the statement as I re-read the posts...

my goodness...you are too imaginative la...can make jokes... but pls not on him la....He is celibate afterall...
By asianthirst, at 9:23 pm

savante: i can pace with my partner if that's what you're talking about.

rush: respect man. i've never been to Calvary Jurong before. but given that it's the Calvary bunch of BP churches, i wouldn't be surprised if they turned a cold shoulder to the one who are not only a taboo. but also in need. i figured, since i was already the devil of Calvary Pandan (i smoked in the church toilet before), why shy away and hide one's face. besides, i try not to go to church on sunday by either taking an MC or working the day shift. works for me.

jy: well coming slowly is never good too.

madlip: that's the power of linguistics for you.

asianthirst: the zealous people of the BP church are trained to reply that way. it's tragic but true. and most of the time, it's very illogical answers, always quoting the bible. i was from the church choir previously. that was about 8 years back. hopefully i was one of them handsome chaps.

juniortaste: heh.

danielhenry: the chinese words are below actually. and their a direct translation of Behold, I Come Quickly!

asianthirst: i have been scorned by the good Lord. it is my way of saying thanks.
By the nurse, at 7:15 pm