i ought to start considering a moonlighting career down at the Orchard road tunnel. i think i can do a very good imitation of the 'One Dollar' song, complete with auntie costume and dramatic makeup. just for singing a catchy singlish tune that's endearing to the hearts of the average Singaporean, i bet i can earn up to about a hundred bucks for every 8 hour shift i put in. that's way better than the $60/shift that i get for working in the #*@!($#@! hospital. plus i get the chance to appear in a local Singapore arthouse film if a local director takes interest in my inspiring story of grit and hard work. who knows, i might get to sing the 'One Dollar' song in Teochew Opera style in the upcoming Royston Tan film about getai singers.

but still, the most major problem i have now is money. i know, it's all 'bout the money, isn't it? well, i swear. i haven't been clubbing. i haven't been drinking. i haven't been spending money on lubes and rubber (not that i do it bareback with the boyfriend, but let's lay off the anal for a while eh? you can also have fun with your mouth what!). shit, i don't even have money to get my eyebrows plucked. it's not my fault that i now have a uni-brow (or maybe i can blame the frown that i developed from all the monetary problems) and am scaring the world shitless. forget the Royston Tan film already! i'm gonna be the next Asian Horror superstar to be remade into an American blockbuster.

after my typical routine of lamentation over money, people would often ask what i spend on. and i know it's only three things, really: transportation, cigarettes and food. transportation i have no choice, i signed on with a hospital that practically located in the heart of Singapore. cigarettes, i get cranky without them and i piss people off and give them attitude which leads to a bad job evaluation which leads to even lower pay which leads to less cigarettes and i get cranky without them and i piss people off and give them attitude.... you get the vicious cycle. and food. i practically never eat during working hours. preferring to drink the filtered water from the water cooler that's dispensed into the nearest receptacle that i can reach for, the urine specimen cup. clean, unused ones that is. water cooler, freeflow of drinks and a good place to catch up with hospital gossip.

so you see, what do i spend on really thus landing me in this predicament of poverty? now that i have to save on cigarettes. i have cut down drastically on smoking. with the start of the Foundation Program, i have been doing a daily average of about 8 sticks a day. there's only 20 in a pack. which is never enough for anyone who smokes. so what's a lowly-paid health-care worker to do when he's out of fags? he cuts down by half. literally. the current plan that i use to cut down involves me stubbing out every cig i smoke at the halfway mark. thus i leave the remnant to be smoked at a later time, albeit a short cigarette break, but still a cigarette break nonetheless.

my financial-advisor (who's thinly-disguised as an insurance agent) is not really helping with his aggressive advise on purchasing more 'plans'. i have downgraded from Redken to Sunsilk. no more Marlboros, but more Viceroys. lunch? out of the question. now if only someone could afford to buy me one of those 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' books.

---