jon's blog

Friday, April 13, 2007

project 355: the parent's pep talk bingo

the pep talk used to have effect on me. the father would cry over the 'state' i'm currently in (a smoking homosexual), and i might end up crying too out of parental pressure to conform and perform. this is one of the many reasons why i avoid talking to the parents as much as possible. in their eyes, i'm the homosexual who happens to be their son. i think somewhere deep within the recesses of my cold cold heart, there's someone longing to be the son who happens to be a homosexual. so scorned have i been with 'parental love' that maybe that's why i tend to take everything in life with a big dose of cynicism.

none the less, there comes a time every month when i have to no choice but to make Earth to Mars contact with the father. and it's regarding the very touchy topic of money. it's technically MY money because i put $400 with the parents every month so that they can safe keep it for me during occasions when i overspend. the routine would be to release a hundred every Saturday at 0800 hours. but i tend to ask for it on Fridays because everybody goes out on Fridays and when anyone goes out in Singapore, there's bound to be money involved. of course, the parents know better to use this golden opportunity as leverage to talk to me about my current 'state'.

for this occasion, all i asked the father was 'Can you transfer tomorrow's money over today?'

and basically all hell broke loose. the father started his usual pep talk about my 'hedonistic' lifestyle, my money-spending habits, whether my salvation in the Lord Jesus Christ was still intact, the gnashing of teeth in hell (complete with real life demonstration), whoremongers and fornicators (said with much distaste), fire and brimstone, blah blah blah the usual routine. today's finishing move was a bit more special though. he cried. all i did was just sit there and keep my mouth shut, playing a mental game of 'Pep Talk Bingo'. it's something that i came across on the internet, where you write down all the predictable words that someone will say during a counseling session or pep talk or one of those rubbish QC meetings. and in true bingo format, you strike out the mentioned words until you get four in a row (horizontally, vertically or diagonally). the winner must have two rows.

i hit Bingo today apparently, and still got the father to transfer some money.

you may be wondering why i'm being such a heartless bastard, making fun of the father when all he's trying to do is change me for the better. but the big question is 'do i really need to change?' i agree with the bit about my cigarettes and my financial habits, but when it comes to the homosexual lifestyle i lead, i don't think i have done much wrong. i've chosen the path of the gay, and the last thing i need is non-supportive parents who take every opportunity they to express their discontentment over what i've picked in life. besides, from the time i've been out-ed by them till now, they've been going over the same speech again and again that i just had to play a game during the pep talk just to get through it.

many people have told me to say something back or try to rebutt a few points here and there. believe me, i've tried it and it doesn't work. the father has a bible verse imprinted in his head for every occasion available. it's as if God is on his side in this issue. and from the words he uses, it can be quite hurting actually. regardless, i'm still fighting this one-man battle against the big machine. and hopefully, i'll win one day and actually get the parents to see some good in me. otherwise there's always the reset or the power button.

all that said, i'm adding new rules now to the ever-changing rules of Pep Talk Bingo. hangman anyone?

posted at 10:50 am by the nurse | Permalink |

14 Comments:

you said you 'have chosen the path of the gay'. I don't agree that you chose it, because I don't see it as a form of lifestyle. Being gay is inherent; perhaps it lies in the genes. Its more of being born gay. If you realized it late, then it could be due to societal expectations that only a male and a female can get together, and you tried to conform to this expectation, only to realize that it doesn't fit. All the best with your dad. =)

:: yuji ::
By Anonymous, at 5:20 pm

sometimes, ignorance is bliss... so i'll also just talk less to my parents.. to avoid them having another depression... hmm....
By blury, at 11:32 pm

Ouch. I guess I do see why some people do choose to remain in the closet with such aggravation. Talk about mental stress.
By savante, at 7:43 am

Hmm..I do not wish to have a gay son if I have the choice. Do you ? We are natural born...parent has no choice but to accept it painfully. Mental stress ? Guess what,I am the only son and you are not @_@ 两代单传 Well,while proudly being a gay, let's also spare some thought for our parent....have I hit your 'pep talk bingo' ? hehe.
By Anonymous, at 11:06 am

i gotta say i admire your courage, a lot. and the patience, coz if I were you I'd have severed all kind of contact already.

and as for the money, how about you try keeping it with someone else you trust? :p
By Anonymous, at 3:37 pm

let's be objective. 1)you are fighting thousands of years of asian culture-either it works or it doesn't. 2)did you mention religion? jon you are screwed since this eliminates the little hope that remains after #1. get on with your life,take charge of your finances and start buying gold with both hands-in a couple of years you won't be bothered with trivial conformity issues nor will you need someone to manage your money.in the meantime give beach blanket bingo a try. love ya! keep it coming!
By WILL, at 11:05 am

suicidalconversationjunkie - i've considered that before, keeping it with someone else. but then again, i trust my money with someone more stable and secure in finances. and that only person i know of in my life is the father. no choice. maybe i need a financial planner. wait a minute... i have one!

yuji - maybe it's true that it's the genes. there's scientific evidence and all that crap. but still, i would like to think that i'm being true to myself and picked the gay route, simply because I AM GAY. i could try and be str8, but that would just be denying myself the truth. still, thanks for the concern and enlightenment.

blury - exactly. nobody got hurt over a little white lie. but most of them died though.

savante - my closet is already wide open honey. just that most people want to see, what they WANT to see. and of course, a whole lot of androgynous terms to describe my boyfriend helps a lot too.

will - that's really good advice. point to note, start some savings, be independent and move out. which also brings me back to my point with suicidaljunkie, FINANCIAL PLANNING. but yeah, i'm screwed with traditional asian christians against me.
By the nurse, at 4:53 pm

no one should ever talk a person out of his or her sexual orientation. after all, it's something one goes through by himself or herself - the many experiences or lessons along the way, and understanding oneself. if you finally decide that you're gay, then so be it. after all, why change something that is already in place? unless you're prepared to put the person through therapy... bleah!!!
By thelostguardian, at 7:13 pm

cheer up!

Parents only like to hear what they like to hear...

But they are getting older each day..

It is not easy to forgive and forget, but that is life...

all the best ya..
91
By Anonymous, at 12:59 pm

you know wat... i think i can start playing the bingo game in my head tooo...

dirrtysean@LJ/Fridae
By not myself tonight, at 3:42 pm

The 'love the sinner, hate the sin' approach is so frustrating. I'd prefer it if my parents disowned me for a couple of years, realised their mistake and got over 'the gay thing'.

Otherwise it just becomes a useless standoff - one side refusing to question their religious beliefs and the other refusing to 'repent'.

Moving overseas (though drastic) works quite well :)
By Joe, at 4:29 pm

Dude.. I seriously pity your parents.
By Anonymous, at 10:53 pm

Here's my modest 2 cents' worth...

Choice is a sticky distinction with sexuality. There's a huge whacking pile of scientific evidence to support the view that sexual orientation is innate. Aside from the research focused on twin studies and genetics, the studies of limbic system response are particularly compelling. Sure, there are shades of grey -- sexuality is complex -- but the bottom (or top, or versatile) line is that biologically, we are not like straight men, and there's no sane reason to expect us to change.

The element of choice comes into play when we decide whether to live consistently with the way we're made. The closet is a terrible place, though: if you're closeted, that means you're forced to lie, to live in fear of discovery, to deny yourself on many levels, and so on. It gets even worse when you drag others into that lie by getting married and having children.

This is also the part where it gets difficult for people from cultures with strong family ties and social roles. I'm American and could give a shit what others think. I am not close with my family; in fact, I'm healthier living on the opposite side of the world from them. And that is not the case with people from cultures other than mine. Coming out is an act of profound individualism, and it flies in the face of collectivist cultures.

It sounds as if you're moving toward doing some healthy things for yourself. You know you can't (and shouldn't be asked to) change, and you know you're under a lot of strain. In time, you'll see the sensible way forward, whatever that may be...
By sterlinglush, at 2:12 pm

Tell dadda about Free Community Church. Get off at Outram Station and look for Yangtze Building in Eu Tong Sen St. Go with him. They don't condemn gay people. If authority is based on age, then Rev Yap (who is no spring chicken) with his white hair and grandkids would assauge your dad's fears that FCC is a cult. Our parents love us but their love can be misguided.
By Anonymous, at 12:43 pm