i used to detest coffee.
so strong was the hate that if i had the guts and funding from the Hilton coffers, i would stage a protest outside the nearest 'Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf' outlet. we would all be holding posters and placards with anti-coffee slogans, demanding for 'Coffee Bean' to be struck out in the corporate name and logo.

but the greater question is actually this: 'WHY did i hate coffee so much?'
for one, it wasn't the taste that i disliked. yes, i could never understand why people have to drink coffee with milk, sugar or perhaps a galleon of condensed milk. i've seen people who add so much sweetener that it's more like sugared water with 1% of coffee in it. which then defeats the purpose of drinking java in the first place.

not forgetting that i felt betrayed by the fact coffee was made out of beans. just below my hate for coffee ranks beans. so combine beans and coffee, and you have quite a big amount of hatred going on in there. every sort of bean i hated except baked beans (which was rekindled after watching Brokeback Mountain apparently, sausages and beans, they were seen eating). beans are sort of greasy and gross. i always imagine myself eating squashy bugs whenever i chew on beans. bugs without the 6 legs, that is. uggh.

but back to coffee. it was, i think, a way of resisting the motion at home. everyone in my family drinks coffee. the mother and the father and the brother. all three of them cannot start the day without a caffeine boost. the father drinks black (repsect!). the mother drinks brown (eww). and the brother drinks white (ugghh). 10 years down the road, you'll see my brother doing stunts for the Diabetic charity show. so please remember to dial in your donations.

i was the only one at home who was adamant about English Breakfast and Darjeeling. and not forgetting to mention that i was the only one at home who was gay. it all prolly clicks into place now. ahhh.... he's gay, sissies drink tea, and yada yada blah blah, e=mc2. but the teenage years were some really tough ones for me, struggling with my identity and all that teeny-bopper aunt agony crap. and it all seemed to boil (is that a pun?) down to a cup of tea versus a mug of coffee.

but all that changed when i discovered the magic of these 3-in-1 satchets. these things were handy given that my line of work involves being in the jungle for days on end. a caffeine burst to me is as welcome as a protein burst, if you know what i mean. i know that 3-in-1 coffee is an insult to gourmet coffee beans and i'm totally agreeable with that. but after drinking it for nearly 11 months solid in brunei, i'm totally addicted to that stuff. i'm suspecting it's the chemical and preservatives that i'm really addicted to actually. corporate products, tsk tsk. and let's not forget the packaging too.

the pink dollar is definitely involved when it comes to coffee and packaging. given that this is the age of the faux metrosexuals and psuedo-urbanites, it's hip to be gay. and this applies to your coffee as well. my favourite brand of instant coffee comes in three different flavours ranging from Mild to Rich. and the various mascots for each flavour come in one gay guy, one bisexual guy and a redundant and skanky woman in yellow that's trying to seduce both the gay and bi guy but looking very unsuccessful (hello???? not interested!).


this one's a closet case


duh?!

i actually bought this particular brand of coffee because of the mascots. and plus, they actually tasted really good (the coffee, not the mascots, you perv!). this branding of coffee as gay is actually a pretty good technique to market your product. i mean, we all know that the gay guys know everything about 'the good life'. so who else to be a better coffee connoiseur other than the gay people?

as for my coffee addiction, i've just discovered a good wireless cafe in the city that serves coffee with a dark chocolate base and enough whipped cream for a S-M orgy. coffee, chocolate, wireless and blogging. sigh. if only i had those macots now.

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