frankly speaking, i've never thought of birthdays as really exciting things to happen in one's life.

of course, this is coming from a person who has yet to celebrate his birthday with a party. believe me when i tell you that i have never, and will less likely plan an official gathering of acquaintances, friends and loved ones around champagne, canapes, confectioneries and candles. because, really... who needs another reminder that they are officially one years older and perhaps one step closer to their deathbeds? plus it'll be really awkward gathering all my different group of friends together. the gay people will clump together. the englishy crowd will less likely mix with the cheena-piang. and don't get me started on the 95% of colleagues in the hospital who don't know that i'm a cock-sucking homo. there's gonna be booze and cigarettes at my party (if i ever have one). it's gonna be hard to explain a drunken gay acquaintance butt-grinding against Pangkeng, though when i think of it, i'm sure Pangkeng wouldn't mind, really. still, some things just shouldn't mix.

well, this is one of them.

truth be told, i can name you more exciting aspects of my 23 years of living than a birthday. like gay sex for instance. or perhaps the 25th of every month - payday. or the day i started smoking (18th or the 19th of August 2006, i think). or how about the first time i saw a tray of cadaveric feet during my nursing biology lessons ALA Saw-style? point is, perhaps the whole idea of a birthday is a tad overrated. be it 21, 22, 23 or even 40. you can go celebrate your birthday with a bang or with a gang (or even with both). but i don't think i'll really make a big bonanza out of it or force people to accompany me and sing that dratted birthday song.

i'm not saying no to the birthday gifts though. after all, if a birthday blog post nets you 45 comments, then i'm all for monthly if not even weekly birthdays. all that said, sex coupons with labels like 'one free blowjob in (insert public place here)' or 'free one-hour full-bodied session' are most welcome. keep them coming.

and i will keep you coming.


i spent my birthday doing the night shift with two permanent night staff and another favourite colleague of mine. i have never related any stories about this particular colleague before. i mean, you've read about Pangkeng. you've read about Fat Boy Slim. you've even got to know about Plain Jane, The Blurness (she's resigning as of this month and i'm partly to blame for it; another story for another time) and My Beautiful Preceptee. well, now let me introduce to you someone new: The 53-year old Virgin.

now, The 53-year old Virgin holds a special place in my heart. i don't really know how to put it down in words, but V53 is the kinda guy that you would want to take care of you when you're old and dependant. he's patient, he's kind, and he will do things outside of his job scope. he's prolly like that because he has led a really, for lack of a better word, 'deprived' kind of life. he took care of his aged and dying mother till she passed away from cancer several years ago. he's unmarried, fifty-three years old and living by himself religiously. and now, his daily lifestyle goes something like this (and this is really what he tells me):

V53 starts the days with his morning prayers (he's Indian and a devout Hindu), followed by a meal of Gardenia Fruit & Nut Loaf slices (he has this for breakfast every morning). he has vegetarian meals on the religion-specified days. when he's on the afternoon shift which starts at 1300 hours, he arrives in the hospital at 1115 hours for a forty-five minute lunch. he'll arrive at work forty-five minutes earlier than the stipulated time. there's always a competition between him and me regarding arrival timings. i'll normally start work thirty minutes earlier to socialize and poke fun at colleagues and catch up on the latest word in the ward. V53 will arrive at 1215 hours to WORK. and he's a really good worker. because of his age, people respect him. and he always has a wise word to say, mostly stuff that he has learned from his 'guru'. yeap, he's religious, like i said. so you see, what's not to like about him?

and this is the most interesting bit about him. he doesn't earn that much as a Patient Care Assistant (the lowest-ranked staff of the health-care setting), but he invested in his own Portable Pulse Oximeter. he spent $1,200 on his very own Oxygen Saturation machine! he has his own stethescope. he comes with his own tympanic thermometer. he even buys his own thermometer sheaths. he's not willing to spend on himself, but he's willing to spend on the patients. this is truly the kind of guy i would like to take care of me when i die of cancer or AIDs or some deserving death that i have coming.

and karma truly repays him for all his good deeds and intents. he strikes the lottery on a monthly basis. it may be a token sum or the occasional large sum. he buys 4D (lottery based on guessing four random single digits) with inspiration from the hospital settings. a patient that he took care of once dreamt of four numbers. he told V53 the next day. V53 bought the lottery ticket with the relevant numbers and won a thousand dollars the next week. both Pangkeng and i got a treat from him at Delifrance the following week.

that's the 53 year-old virgin in a nutshell. i have always enjoyed working with V53 as he's the dependable sort of guy whom you know will do his utmost for the patients. doing the night shift with him is bliss, because we will take turns to answer the callbells in the fastest possible time. i have done the night shift with him before and we've never had any major problems. he doesn't go for breaks. and neither do i. so we just sit around and share life stories and wise sayings from his guru. so why am i sharing with you about V53 then?

well, here's the coincidence that i've never expected: my birthday is on the 16th of October. V53's birthday is on the 17th of October. you've really got to hand it to the Guy up there who works out the most bizarre of coincidences in the blueprints of our lives. my night shift and birthday were very peaceful because of V53. in fact, V53 treated the permanent night staff and me to McDonald's (they deliver fast food at night). to which V53 had this to say: 'the last time i had McDonald's was six months ago, and i only had an apple pie'. on my insistence, he had McNuggets and an ice lemon tea this time.

so this is an ode to The 53-year Old Virgin. happy birthday. without him, the 23rd birthday and night shift would have been hell and boring.

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