jon's blog

Monday, October 15, 2007

project 355: go shorty, it's your birthday

every time i think of birthdays, i can't help but get myself all confused and perplexed. let's say one's birthday is on the 16th of October (which is tomorrow) 1984 (which is technically twenty-three years ago), is one allowed to say sexually-innuendoed sentences like 'having had twenty-three years of experience under my belt' or should it be more like 'i have twenty-one under my belt and when the clock reaches 00:00AM on 16th October 2007, i will be having twenty-two.' because of my horrible logic skills (i actually have trouble winning at Solitaire & Hearts) and the fact that i've garnered a B4 for my 'Elementary' Mathematics during the GCE 'O' Levels, i take at least half a day to figure out that if one starts out at 0 years in 16th October 1984, he/she will surely be considered twenty-three in the year 2007.

which then gets me thinking again, can a 1984-born person really be considered 23 in 2007 if you factor in the fact that most people do not actually remember anything from year 0 to the end of the first year? i mean, do you actually remember memories of breast-feeding or formula milk (fun fact: i was formula-fed)? or diapers? or being throw around by relatives? or being kissed by your local Parliament Representative? come to think of it, the beginning of my memories has always been a mediocre trip to the Genting Highlands Indoor Theme Park when i was four years of age. that was in 1988... meaning a whole memory filled with bad fashion, bad music, pinball machines and too much neon lighting. it's a tad like Rodriguez/Tarantino's Grindhouse, minus the zombies, spurting pustules and paralytic wrists.

so back to the point of years of experience. it's technically incorrect therefore to say that one has 23 years of experience under one's belt in 2007 because of the fact that one can't remember one's childhood memories, no? perhaps, perhaps. and okay for the sake of the famous jazz number - perhaps. all was fine until i one day learned in nursing class the concept of 'conditioning'. not as in shampoo and conditioner (i don't need nursing classes to learn about the perils of dry hair) bur rather, of dogs and bells and Pavlov. we were discussing about the memories we had of our childhood. few could remember, if not a handful. we concluded that the childhood years were perhaps, a time of conditioning and learning innate responses that enabled us to survive society in the later years. infants can identify subtle facial expressions and emotions better than your average Sensitive New Age Guy. '23 years of experience under my belt' doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

i can identify groups of people who beg to differ though. some think that 23 years of experience is nothing. it's peanuts compared to the fact that they have lived for 40, 50 or even 60 years. and anyways, 'what do the young people of this generation know about? we have seen hardship and war and poverty. will the internet help save their lives in times of trial?' yeah, perhaps 23 years of experience is a bit of a boastful statement which makes one seem too puffed up in the ego department. logic fails me at this point. and so does math, Pavlov and Grindhouse. it wasn't until i realized that 'hey, 16th of October is my day!' to simply paraphrase in the words of Clark Gable in Gone With The Wind, 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn'

yeap. i was born on the 16th of October, 1984. which once again, loosely translated/paraphrased in the language of today:

'go shorty, it's your birthday'.

posted at 3:56 pm by the nurse | Permalink |

42 Comments:

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Jonathan
Happy birthday to you.

I wish I could send someone like Bette Midler (Beaches) to sing this song for you.

I wonder if such service is available is Singapore. Certainly not in Tokyo, where I am living now.

Oh, by the way, I found your blog entertaining and you hilarious.
Don't feel like to be hospitalized in order to know you. So I decided to send you my best wishes for your B'day, Nurse Jon.

"Many Happy returns"

(ryoayamari@hotmail.com)
By Anonymous, at 7:58 pm

Happy Birthday in advance then, my dear SN!

brachy
By Anonymous, at 8:03 pm

happie bdae!!!!
By Anonymous, at 8:08 pm

happy 23rd birthday!

rae
By Anonymous, at 8:10 pm

Happy birthday. Sometimes i wonder if im the only girl reading your blog. haha Love your wit and humour.
By Anonymous, at 8:17 pm

happy birthday jon!!

i remember the first memory which i have is when i was running naked in a garden to my grandma...i was about 1 year old then. or maybe i was crawling on the floor to send my dad off to work, or when i cried very loud when my head hit a cupboard during a photo taking session with my mum....or when my dad tickle my face on bed at the age of one, or when i urinate on my dad's bed...or...

i remember i got the first crush with a guy was at the age of five....he is....[censored]
By asianthirst, at 9:11 pm

hey happy birthday! been reading your blog for some time and realise u are one day older than me. lol. anyway, have a great year ahead and hope u have lots of wonderful experiences. :)
lester
By Anonymous, at 9:43 pm

happy birthday jon boy
By Anonymous, at 9:56 pm

Happy Birthday Jon. Hope you have a great day and get some hot birthday sex !!
By Anonymous, at 10:17 pm

Happy Birthday!!!
By -=N.A.S.E.H.R=-, at 10:43 pm

Happy Birthday Jon !
Stay cute and happy!
Wish you will grow wiser and smarter than you are.

Have a great day and lots of good sex ! U need any volunteers? lolx
By Acko, at 12:17 am

Happy Birday Jonny! may you get all that you wish for..and may good karma come all day to you...
By Anonymous, at 2:32 am

happy birthday jon...fan of yours.hehe
By Darren Kee, at 3:54 am

heh
happy bdae jon

i'll wish u again... in person when i see u at werk

:p
By Anonymous, at 6:26 am

Happy Birthday!

Can I give you 23 spanks?

You can blow my candle if you want. ;-)
By Unknown, at 10:04 am

ah you've gotten... old.
that's hot.
LOL
;o)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
By daniel henry, at 10:20 am

Hi Jon,

It's not matter how old are you. What matters is whether are you happy. If not, then try to make it happier as earth will still rotates no matter what happens to you. Enjoy your day and all the best in your coming years as well.

Best Regards,
Fian
By Anonymous, at 12:46 pm

happy birthday to you jon. 20 years more to menopause. enjoy whilst u still can.

Muack!
By Yahn, at 1:01 pm

happy bdae!
which hospital r u working btw?
By Anonymous, at 1:23 pm

Happy Birth Anniversary!

Have a good one!
By W.A Musxzart, at 1:30 pm

happy birthday jon!
i love reading your blog.
By Anonymous, at 2:40 pm

Happy Burstday Jon!!!
OMG, ur a few months younger than me!! now i feel so old =P
By Derick Tenh P.S, at 3:24 pm

Happy Happy Birthdae!

You're so lucky you still qualify for the International Student "Under 25" Card for fabulous discounts when touring overseas... Unlike me =P
By the.hand, at 4:16 pm

I wonder who is going to give Jon his birthday spanking :-)
By Anonymous, at 5:24 pm

belated happy birthday jon! ;)

- steve
By Anonymous, at 2:16 am

Let's just say that this is a Birthday wish for tht lets just say guy. Cheers
By lucas, at 7:13 am

Happy Birthday Jon, hope you celebrated it with a bang.. or three.

Ryan
By Anonymous, at 9:25 am

Have a *FABULOUS* birthday! muacks~!
By Ryan, at 10:03 am

you're right, it's all so simple.
GO SHORTY,IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY
get down with your bad self.
By Anonymous, at 11:17 am

Ooh happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Now are you gonna jump out of the cake dressed in your birthday suit?

My birthday comes ten days after yours!
By savante, at 12:02 pm

drat .. I am late .. HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY to uuu !! really enjoy ur writing .. keep them coming ya !! gegegegegege

Seaweeds

http://seaweeds.livejournal.com/
By Anonymous, at 1:36 pm

hi jon, happy belated birthday!
p/s. i was formula-fed as well, cheers!
By Anonymous, at 2:26 pm

sorry, super late but HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY. i am sure you had your treats already.........
By queerbarbie, at 6:47 pm

Happy belated birthday. So, you are born just 12 days before me, eh?

Anyway, I think I still remember a scene when someone carried me in his/her arms back home. And a scene when I am trying to walk (I think) to and fro two persons.
By Anonymous, at 10:02 pm

Happy be-lated birthday! wish you many happy returns. on a side note, were you boarding the mrt at choa chu kang station this evening? think i saw someone looking like you with a tad wistful expression, haha! so sexy!!!

umbune
By Anonymous, at 2:05 am

oops... should LAST evening... the clock struck 12 already. hehe sorry...

umbune
By Anonymous, at 2:09 am

HAPPY BDAE!
By Anonymous, at 12:19 pm

oh! hahahaha that makes u very close to my birthday then! (only years apart)
By You Are, But I Am., at 4:26 pm

Happy Birthday Jon.
By SoPPy~!, at 1:41 pm

Happy Belated Birthday Jon (:
By Veeen, at 9:24 pm

Happy Belated Birthday :-)
By Anonymous, at 7:03 am

Didn't read until 22nd so Happy Belated Birthday Big Boy. Hope you had a good one, bith lots of birthday cake and birthday shags.

Happy returns from Simon
By Anonymous, at 10:26 pm